Thursday, May 30, 2013

How dumb is the guy you hear on the field mic?

Field microphone technology has improved the overall TV experience for home viewers.  You can hear the sounds of the game better.  You can hear the crack of the bat, the sound of a slide in the dirt and the sound of the ball popping the catcher's glove.  Of course, the field microphone also does a pretty good job picking up the loudest and dumbest guy at the game.  This is exacerbated when there is a small crowd.  I find this fascinating, so I did some research and created this chart to help you understand just how dumb the guy you can hear really is.  Use this chart during a future game, as it will help you better understand why that one guy won't stop shouting "Let's go Brewers!" when the Brewers are losing by 15 runs.

Proximity to the Field Mic
How Dumb?
Not close, can't be heard
Rhodes Scholar
Far Away; A faint voice asking where you put his books
Barely audible, perhaps only as part of the crowd
Average Human
Close enough for an occasional "Hey" or "Joe" or "Nachos" to register
Average Human at the Post Office
Barely audible, except when they whistle for some reason
Calls Francisco Liriano "Francisco Lariano"
Close enough to hear their constant whistling
Thinks the blue part of the map is the land
Rows away, but can be heard yelling at players who aren't on the field
Will eat anything for 5 bucks, but won't take a minimum wage job
Rows away, but can be heard talking in their normal voice about Joe Mauer and how much he sucks
Guy who throws fireworks at fireworks
A few seats down; can be heard chanting and screaming constantly; typically alone
Has fallen of the top of a moving truck at least once
The microphone is inside his mouth; you hear every thought or chant/rant/manifesto that he has
The dumbest guy you've ever met

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