How dumb is the guy you hear on the field mic?

Field microphone technology has improved the overall TV experience for home viewers.  You can hear the sounds of the game better.  You can hear the crack of the bat, the sound of a slide in the dirt and the sound of the ball popping the catcher's glove.  Of course, the field microphone also does a pretty good job picking up the loudest and dumbest guy at the game.  This is exacerbated when there is a small crowd.  I find this fascinating, so I did some research and created this chart to help you understand just how dumb the guy you can hear really is.  Use this chart during a future game, as it will help you better understand why that one guy won't stop shouting "Let's go Brewers!" when the Brewers are losing by 15 runs.

Value	Proximity to the Field Mic	How Dumb?
1	Not close, can't be heard	Rhodes Scholar
2	Far Away; A faint voice asking where you put his books	Kevin Slowey
3	Barely audible, perhaps only as part of the crowd	Average Human
4	Close enough for an occasional "Hey" or "Joe" or "Nachos" to register	Average Human at the Post Office
5	Barely audible, except when they whistle for some reason	Calls Francisco Liriano "Francisco Lariano"
6	Close enough to hear their constant whistling	Thinks the blue part of the map is the land
7	Rows away, but can be heard yelling at players who aren't on the field	Will eat anything for 5 bucks, but won't take a minimum wage job
8	Rows away, but can be heard talking in their normal voice about Joe Mauer and how much he sucks	Guy who throws fireworks at fireworks
9	A few seats down; can be heard chanting and screaming constantly; typically alone	Has fallen of the top of a moving truck at least once
10	The microphone is inside his mouth; you hear every thought or chant/rant/manifesto that he has	The dumbest guy you've ever met