Monday, January 13, 2014

Minnesota Twins POWER RANKINGS: January 13, 2014

Another week, another week of POWER RANKINGS.  POWER RANKINGS have a mind of their own.  In a lot of ways, they choose themselves.  I just comb the headlines and put everything in the proper order.  This week, we have some really fun stuff and some pretty weird stuff too.  Instead of more introduction, let's just get this ball rollin'.


No one has tried to sell Colabello to Korea in weeks!  That's a major win for him.  That story confused me so much when it broke.  I understand why the Twins tried it.  They needed a 40-man spot, they don't need a first baseman anymore and Colabello is a nice story, but not a great player.  That said, I love that Colabello rejected it.  What does he have to lose?  Worst case for him, the Twins have to cut him after Spring Training and some team who needs a powerful bench bat picks him up.  I think that uncertainly is likely uncomfortable, but better than getting sold to a team halfway around the World.

These are two of my all-time favorite Twins.  Seriously.  Casilla was fun and flashy.  Slowey was an intellectual in the clubhouse, which I love.  Slowey signed a Minor League deal with the Marlins and Casilla signed a Minor League deal with the Orioles.  Casilla is a useful utility player and Slowey is a decent pitcher when healthy.  I hope both make the Majors in 2014.   

Jacque Jones appeared on the MLB Hall of Fame ballot for the first and only time this past Winter.  He received one vote and fell off the ballot.  Obviously, Jones is not a Hall of Fame player.  He might have a shot at the Twins' Hall of Fame down the line, as we tend to be very sentimental and Jones was pretty good for seven Twins seasons.  Jones didn't really deserve even one Hall of Fame vote, but it does mean that he received more support that each of these players:  Todd Walker, Rondell White, Phil Nevin, Terry Mullholland, Ruben Sierra and Michael Jackson, among other former Twins.  So, suck it, those guys. 

I really don't know why this happened, but I woke up in the middle of the night wondering what Brian Dozier would look like with Shane Mack's mustache.  And:


He looks great.  Also, Dozier's hair is just outstanding, it almost overshadows the mustache.  What would happen if you put that luscious mop on Oswaldo Arcia's head:


Nice.  He looks great too.   Joe Mauer needs some grit, let's put Jack Morris' mustache on him:


I think we're done here. 

Viola was named as the Mets' AAA pitching coach this week.  Viola gets to mentor some dudes on the cusp of the Majors and spend a bunch of time in Vegas.  He also gets to coach under the tutelage of former Twins second baseman Wally Backman.  Viola will likely learn a lot about swearing and clipping his nails from Backman, if this video is any indication (NSFW, tons of cursing). 


Frank Viola is my second favorite Twins player of all-time, which I can prove if you click here.  Any success that Frank Viola has is a-ok with me.  I think he is wonderful and I hope he ends up back in the Twins organization in the future.  I'd make him Twins Czar or whatever. 

5.  Spring Training Invitations

Thrylos at The Tenth Inning Stretch has a full list of the players the Twins have invited to Spring Training for the upcoming season.  You can find it here to see all the cool jersey numbers in the 70s and 80s for the guys who have no chance of making the team.  I was actually able to get my hands on Miguel Sano's invitation and I have to say, it is not what I was expecting:


I mean, I like the colors and all...  

4.  Oswaldo Arcia's Aggression

Parker Hageman at Twins Daily did an excellent breakdown of Oswaldo Arcia's rookie season.  Hageman used some great visuals to explain Arcia's swing and approach.  You should just read it.  Hageman's analysis is excellent as usual, but I love the subject matter even more because I am a huge Arcia fan.  I think he is going to be a cornerstone player with the Twins for the next 5-6 years.  I love his aggressive approach and I think that he will learn to use that aggression to his advantage as he gains experience.  He may never put up giant counting stats, but I could see him turning into a consistent 120 OPS+ hitter who racks up 60-70 extra-base hits.  I'll bet my hat that he has a 45 double/25 home run season this decade.  Plus, he looks great with Brian Dozier's hair.

3.  Making GIFs

Guess who taught himself how to make animated GIFs last week?  This puts me exactly three years behind the rest of the internet, but you can guarantee that I make countless stupid animations over the next few years.  In fact, I'd put the odds at even that I bury specific animations into the ground in record time.  In that vein, here are Jack Morris' hips:



Congratulations to these three fine baseball players for their induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame.  I am sure they are all reading and I am sure they are nodding quietly as they read these words.  Maddux and Thomas are two of my favorite non-Twins players.  I loved both because they were so good.  When you're young, that's all it takes.  I analyzed the results of the most recent Hall of Fame vote last week.  If you missed it, please click here.  I went into quite a bit of detail, but if you just set aside an hour or so, you should be fine.

In case you aren't already aware, I have granted Tanaka the top spot in the POWER RANKINGS as a gift so that he signs a contract with the Twins when his posting courtship ends.  I will then retire the number 1 spot in his honor. 

Mr. Tanaka, you are going to love Minnesota.  It never gets super cold, no matter what you may have read in the news.  In fact, it's like 40 degrees right now as I write this.  40 in January?  That's downright pleasant.  Plus, we have beautiful trees.  Seriously, trees everywhere.  We have a lot of dog parks too.  That's nice.  Um, Target Field is pretty.  We used to have trees there, but don't anymore.  We could put them back for you.  You know, I don't even really know how you feel about trees and dogs and weather.  Minnesota is amazing and you are amazing.  It's a great fit. 

The POWER RANKINGS will return next Monday.  Until then, please enjoy your week!

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