Showing posts with label forgotten twins?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgotten twins?. Show all posts

Friday, May 23, 2014

Forgotten Twins? Mark Funderburk

My memories of Mark Funderburk

Um, none.  I honestly do not remember this man at all.  I wanted to write about someone from the mid-80s because I'm more of a 90s guy and I wanted to expand my horizons.  So, I did a little search-a-rooni and settled on Big Mark.  Funderburk is a fantastic name too.  Anyway, I have no memories of this person/player.  I look forward to a lot of learning over the next few paragraphs.

 Baseball Reference

Funderburk debuted before I was born, so I guess it's fair that I don't remember him.  He played eight games with the Twins in 1981 at age 24.  He didn't play another MLB game until 1985.  He played just 23 games with the Twins that season.  He hit .314/.351/.529 in those 23 games, which is more than solid.  But, he never played another MLB game after 1985. 

Of course, his journey wasn't just Minors to MN back to Minors back to MN.  The Twins released him in 1982, shortly after I was born.  Likely to celebrate.  The Royals scooped him up in 1983 but released him just a few months later.  He ended up in the Mexican Leagues after that.  He doesn't have any stats in 1984 but signed with the Twins after the 1984 season.  He crushed 34 home runs for AA Orlando in 1985 and got a promotion.  He obviously hit well in Minnesota, but the Twins hated him so they released him.  Or at least that's how a four-year-old might perceive it.  But I was three, so I couldn't think like that. 

Fangraphs

Obviously, the Twins were ahead of the curve back in 1985 because they didn't buy into his .345 BABIP.  He did have a 132 wRC+, so that's nice!  He posted a 0.3 WAR in 23 games, so he'd have roughly posted a 2.4 WAR if he had played the whole season.  That's just solid mental math though and I'm just showing off right now.  He also had a -0.11 Clutch rating, but I have no idea what that means.  I just know it means he's #notclutch.

 Wikipedia

Mark Clifford Funderburk was born in Charlotte, North Carolina on May 16, 1957.  The only way to enhance a great last name like Funderburk is to slap a great middle name like Clifford in front of it.  In fact, I am making a vow right now.  If I have an 11th son, I will name him Mark Clifford Funderburk Dozier Swanson.  Book it!  Funderburk was in professional baseball for 12 years, which I imagine was a lot of fun.  That's not in his Wikipedia entry, it's just a guess. 

Google

If you search for "Mark Thunderburk" you get results for "Mark Funderburk."  Unfortunately, it's not because that was his nickname.  It's pretty perfect though.  He's big, he's powerful, he brought the thunder.  He hit 214 Minor League home runs.  Why wasn't he Thunderburk?  Who missed that one?  I know Gardy would call him "Burky" or something, but weren't we more creative in the 80s? 

I did find an article about Funderburk that tells of his life in baseball and life after baseball.  It's from 1997, but it's pretty cool.  Take a look.

Switching to Google Images led me here.  If you go to Model Mayhem, you can read all about this Mark Funderburk.  He's also from North Carolina, but he's a little scrawny.  The Mark Funderburk had two MLB stints by 28, so point, Thunderburk.  

eBay

Only 20 results?  Here'sa listing for a game-used bat signed by Funderburk.  It's just 15 bucks.  I'm pretty sure that's cheaper than a new wood bat, so if you need something for BP, you could disgrace a former MLB player at the same time.  Here's 16Funderburk cards, with 3 different cards!  If you need 11 of the same Mark Funderburk card, this is the perfect lot for you. 

Ok, I don't get this one.  It's a 1986 Sportflics card and there are like eight players on it.  I remember these cards.  You moved them one way and you saw one player then you moved them the other way and saw someone else.  It was pretty stupid.  This one might be a magical card though.  Did we have the technology for quadruple sportflics in the 80s?  The eBay user who listed it is Red Voodoo Cafe.  Just sayin'. 

Ok, I think I have an idea for the 11 Funderburk cards.  11 cards would be roughly the size of a computer screen.  Find the person in your life who is least likely to know who Funderburk is and attach the cards to their screen.  That person will be confused.  They might ask who did it.  Never own up to it.  Never let on.  Then, 40 years later, you make the reveal.  It will be chilling, but a very real moment.

Or, don't by them.  That's much easier.  

 Facebook

Only 14 likes?  You should be ashamed of yourself. 

Twitter

Thunderburk (I'm just going to call him that now) isn't on Twitter.  Or, if he is, he has a silly or obscure username.  I did find some tweets related to him:
Shout out to John Sickels, who provides great Minor League coverage at SBNation.  Also, this is a true fact that you learned earlier.
This is misleading.  It's actually a different Funderburk, not a Mark at all, no mention of whether or not he brings the thunder.  If you live in this district, please vote for Funderburk.  If you care about local government, please let me know because you'll be the first person I know who does. 
This is also not Thunderburk, but I do endorse buying a Nissan.  I've owned a 2006 Nissan Sentra for eight years and I've never had a major issue with it.  It has 125K miles on it and it runs great.  If you're looking for a great automobile, why not check out the good folks at Leith Nissan in Cary, North Carolina?  Tell them Thunderburk sent you and watch to see how confused they look. 

Side question - why do all the Funderburks live in North Carolina?  Someone do the research.

 YouTube

Mark Funderburk is not represented on YouTube.  What a disgrace.  First off, does everyone understand how much harder this is for me?  Honestly, has anyone thought of me for even a second?  If you have a Thunderburk video, put it up!

Anyway, there are three users named Mark Funderburk on YouTube.  One has 45 subscribers, more than Thunderburk has likes on Facebook.  It appears that he is a musician, and I watched his cover of Neil Young's "Old Man" and I have to say, I enjoyed it.  Since Thunderburk isn't on YouTube, this is a pretty decent consolation prize.

Random Person

My Dad got me into the Twins and he was a fan in the 80s, so this seems like a logical fit.  He claims that he remembers him, but he wasn't able to provide any details.  I think he probably just remembers his name but is too proud to admit that he doesn't remember the man.  That's ok, he helped give me life, so I forgive him. 

Verdict:  Not sufficiently remembered!

This man is not remembered.  He's barely present on the internet, although I didn't check the dark internet or whatever.  In a lot of ways, Funderburk is the original El Pupo Bernardo Brito.  Tons of power, lots of MiLB success and little opportunity in the Majors.  Both guys have great nicknames, even if I only made up one today.  Plus, both guys are not remembered as they should be.

Even though I didn't know Thunderburk a week ago, I am glad I found this card and looked him up:


Even if I do hate those cards. 

Brad Swanson is the author of the thing you just skimmed.  He has one dog.  You can meet Brad in person if you know where he lives and/or work or if you buy a brand new Nissan from Leith Nissan.  

 If you're interested, I have a whole mess of Forgotten Twins in a sweet archive that you can find right here.  
Posted by at 4 comments:
Labels: , ,

Friday, April 18, 2014

Forgotten Twins? Clete Thomas

My Memories of Clete Thomas

My most distinct Clete Thomas-related memory is arguing with one of his cousins on Twitter.  I actually don't know that he was Thomas's cousin, but the passion he brought to the pro-Clete side of things could only have come from a family member.  They had different last names, so I'm going with cousin instead of brother.  That's my process, the art of deduction.

Beyond my personal Clete history, Thomas was a "center fielder," a "hitter" and a "replacement" for Aaron Hicks and Darin Mastroianni.  He must be an excellent AAA player too, as he's gotten a fair amount of MLB chances.  I also remember that he hit a home run in his first game with the Twins, earning his place in the Twins' Inaccurate Perception Hall of Fame. 

Let's see what else we can learn about Clete Thomas.

Baseball Reference

Thomas was drafted in the 6th round of the 2005 draft.  He is eligible for free agency in 2018, so circle your calendars.  Thomas attended A. Crawford Mosley High School, where their motto is "Being a Dolphin is a Lifestyle."  I'm not kidding.  It is a lifestyle.  They have two mascots, "Rocky" and "Roxy" and I can't find any evidence to support that Thomas held either position. 

Thomas was with the Tigers from 2005 to 2012.  In 2008, he reached the Majors at age 24.  He hit .284/.366/.405 in 40 games.  Not bad!  He played 102 games with the Tigers in 2009, hitting .240/.324/.385.  Um, not terrible?  After just three games with the Tigers in 2012, he was DFA'd and scooped up by the crafty Twins.  He played just 12 games with the Twins in 2012, hit .143, and earned a Minor League deal for 2013 (for some reason). 

Aaron Hicks got off to a slow start in 2013 and Thomas was hot at AAA.  The Clete Thomas Bandwagon Project Experience was formed and he would eventually play a staggering 92 games for the Twins in 2013.  He hit .214/.290/.307.  He's with the Phillies now.

Fangraphs

Thomas had a respectable walk rate in 2013.  At 9.3%, he was over a full point better than the AL average (7.9%).  Unfortunately, his 28.6% strikeout rate was over 8 points higher than the AL average (19.9%).  Thomas finished the 2013 season with a 0.4 fWAR, but that's only because he was a terrible hitter.  His fielding was actually quite good and his baserunning was fine.  Silver linings. 

His home run-to-fly ball ratio of 6% indicates that he may have been somewhat unlucky in 2013.  If you correct for his bad luck, his batting line looks much more impressive - .487/.671/.981.  Please double check my math for me.     

Wikipedia

Thomas is from Jacksonville, Florida, so you know he's wrestled 'gators.  His Wikipedia entry is surprisingly long, but mostly just a list of things he's done as a baseball player.  Bor-ring!  His Wikipedia picture depicts him with a batting glove on his bottom hand.  The one thing I liked about Thomas was his complete lack of batting gloves.  I hope this was a poor photoshop done to defame his character.

Here are a few fun tidbits from his entry:
  • He hit his first career walk-off home run off of Danys Baez on August 20, 1999.  It was also his first career walk-off home run against anyone. 
  • While in the Minor Leagues, former Tigers' GM Dave Dombrowski referred to Thomas as "a prospect."
  • Thomas made his very first major league putout against Joey Gathright.
Google

I found an article about Thomas signing with the Phillies where Jim Leyland refers to Thomas as a "dirtbag."  Apparently he means that in a nice way, but then why is he kneeing Thomas in the groin in the picture from the article? 

Switching to Google images, I found some pictures that aren't creepy. 


OH GAW



WHAT IS GOING ON?


WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?


eBay

First off, when you search for Clete on eBay, there are only 144 results.  That seems low.  Most of the results are baseball cards, so that's no fun.  The best listing I found was a youth small Twins Clete Thomas shirsey.  My goodness.  I hope that kid asked for that shirt because if he got it as a gift, I imagine he was disappointed.  You know how your Grandmother kind of knows what you like but can't quite get it right?  That's how kids end up with Clete Thomas shirseys. 

Oh well, if you want one, it's just 12 bucks.  It has no bottom seam.  That seems like a metaphor, but I'm not sure.

Facebook

Clete Thomas has one of those generic Facebook pages that just copies their Wikipedia entry.  BUT!  He also has a fan club that has 45 members.  It's an open group if you want to join.  I did.  My membership is currently pending.  Everyone in our group keeps referring to him as "my Tiger" which seems oddly possessive.  Clete Thomas is truly a man of the people, so maybe he set up himself as an IPO or something.  It's worth looking into. 

Twitter

It's not too hard to find some quality Clete Thomas on Twitter.  Here's an odd one that must have some subtext that I am not aware of.

Apparently other players on the team are hot dogs?   

Yep, that happened just about two years ago.  Seriously.  They're teammates again (of sorts) and Revere's off to a slow start...

Do you love me?  If you don't, here's a tweet from Clete's biggest fan:

Good follow through!  He's still got a great arm. 

YouTube

There are a lot of Clete Thomas highlights on YouTube, all posted illegally by a bunch of thieves.  I have no idea why MLB isn't making these thieves take down these videos so they can post them at MLB.com and get all the traffic.  It's baffling.  It's to our benefit I suppose.  I found better videos though.

Here's one of a Clete Thomas bases loaded walk that was filmed from the grassy knoll.


If you look closely, you can actually see a second walker.  The second video is a walk-off sacrifice fly from MLB '09 The Show.  Either this person didn't want to play the game long enough to get a better video or they don't understand the high standards that a YouTube posting implies.  Either way, you are the winner:


I was hoping for some interviews, but no luck.  If you have any, please post links. 

Random Person

My wife is sitting right here, let's ask her.

"Yeah, wasn't he really bad but better than Hicks?" 

Tough crowd.  Not inaccurate though.  She also said something borderline offensive, but I have the right to censor.  Call me "The Goodfather."

Verdict:  Not adequately remembered

Swerve!  I'm all about swerves lately.  I was very hard on Clete Thomas last year and in this post.  I want to apologize for everything.  I took a lot of liberties, I made jokes, I made animations, but Clete Thomas is a fantastic baseball player.  I say this without any hint of sarcasm.  Clete Thomas has struggled in the Majors, but the fact that he reached the Majors is awesome. 

He fully deserves any additional MLB games that he earns in the future.  If he does reach the Majors, I may make more jokes.  I may make more animations.  I apologize for those too.  If Clete Thomas and I played a game of 1-on-1 baseball, he'd smoke me.  We'd have to figure out the rules on the fly, but he'd win.  He filled in last season when the Twins needed him and I appreciate him for that. 

Thank you, Clete.  I'm sorry, Clete.  Can I get you a beverage, Clete? 


Hi there.  Do you want to read about more potentially forgotten Twins?  Here are a few more, free of charge.  
Posted by at 12 comments:
Labels: , ,

Friday, January 17, 2014

Forgotten Twins? Fred Manrique

Hey all, time for another installment of Forgotten Twins?  If you don't remember, I scour the most important websites in the universe to determine if a particular Twins player is forgotten by society.  I decided to sub out Bing for Fangraphs going forward.  I thought it would be funny to use multiple search engines, but they're all the same, so the joke is on me.  ENOUGH EXPLAINING!

My memories of Fred Manrique

This is going to sound awful, but I remember his dork glasses.  I can picture him now...


See?  He could.  Because of the glasses.  Now, making fun of someone who wears glasses is really uncool.  I know this now.  I was only aware of Fred Manrique as a seven-year-old with perfect vision.  It was hard to keep my anti-glasses feelings to myself.  Well, this joke is also on me, as this is what I look like today:


Fate is weird.  Let's move on.

Baseball Reference

Manrique played just one season with the Twins.  He hit .237/.254/.346, or as I like to call it "Rivas Style!"  Manrique accumulated 1459 plate appearances over his nine-year career.  He racked up 340 hits and 65 walks.  He barely played three years' worth of games in those nine seasons.  He played 376 of his games at second base, including all but one of his games with the Twins.  Manrique very nearly went 20-20...in his career, ending with 20 bombs and 18 base bombs (a term I am trying to coin for stolen bases).   

Oh, and he was traded for Sammy Sosa.  Don't look at the rest of the trade, just leave it alone.

Fangraphs

I'm adding Fangraphs to appeal to the saber crowd.  From what I can ascertain on Fangraphs, Manrique was gritty.  Wait.  He had a .105 isolated power, which is poor.  He had a 4.5% walk rate, which is poor.  He had a .294 BABIP, which is about average.  Manrique accumulated 2.0 fWAR in his career, almost entirely from some solid defense he played in the 1987 season with the White Sox.  It's cold, but you could probably call him Fred Man-reeky.

Wikipedia

Wikipedia tells me that Manrique is a fifty-year-old former second baseman.  That's a solid lead.  He was born three weeks before my Dad, which is conveniently left out of his entry.  He is from Bolivar State, Venezuela.  Another former, forgotten (?) Twins player is from Ciudad Bolivar and you'll never guess who.  Les Straker.  It's Les Straker.  According to his entry, he was a solid second baseman and an above-average shortstop.  Whoever wrote this entry must have known something that his managers didn't know.  In 1981, he was the youngest player in the Majors.  Trivia!

 Google

A cursory Google search brings back many glasses images of Manrique.  I did find this card and he isn't wearing glasses:


I gotta say, he's pretty handsome.  He looks good in his glasses too.  A few pages into the search, I found this article about Manrique's ejection from a random June game in 1990.  Apparently, he didn't like Jim Joyce's strike zone.  Or, he knew that Joyce would one day rob us (and Armando Galarraga to a lesser extent) of a perfect game and staged a protest 20 years in advance.  All I'm saying is that Manrique might be a Timecop. 


Oh, and apparently Manrique is a member of Twins Daily.  See.  Now, he hasn't blogged or posted, so I'm guessing he's feeling self-conscious.  Please Mr. Manrique, share your wisdom.  Don't be afraid. 

eBay

Most Manrique-related items on eBay are baseball cards.  However, I did find this curious 8 x 10 autographed photo.  It appears that Manrique wanted people think that he peed his own autograph.  Don't believe me, check it out.  I'm not sure what that accomplishes, but I imagine it makes for a good urban legend. 

If you don't like peeing autographs, here's a 50 baseball card lot of all Manrique!  There are only 21 different cards for some reason.  One of the cards appears to be a math cheat sheet or something and another has the word "glossy" on top.  You can check the lot out for yourself.  Was Manrique a Timecop nicknamed "Glossy?"


Facebook

Manrique does have a Facebook fan page, but it's just his Wikipedia entry.  He doesn't even get a picture.  Perhaps we could use this image:


See, he's a Timecop!  18 people like Manrique.  I'd "like" him too, but I wouldn't be able to deal with his constant updates.  I'd probably block him like I block all my friends and co-workers.  Just for the record, Manrique has three more likes than this blog.  You can fix that...by liking Manrique's page and righting the ratio. 

Twitter

I found a few cool Manrique-related tweets:


This one makes me laugh because it would be so easy to find a card with Manrique actually in a Twins uniform. 


I'm not sure what to say...


I really like that one.  It humanizes him.  Even if he does like to make signature urine.

 Youtube

Sadly, our beloved Fred Manrique is not represented on Youtube.  You can blame MLB and their totalitarian video policy for that.  Instead, here are a couple of youngsters also named Fred Manrique, each showcasing their skills.  First, a catcher:



Then, a pitcher:



Looks good to me.

 Random Person

I stopped someone in the hallway at work today and asked if they remembered Fred Manrique.  He said, "Was he a math teacher?"  Interesting that he would ask that without even knowing that Manrique wore glasses.  I told him no, Manrique was on the Twins for a season in 1988.  He replied, "Oh, I was two, so no, I don't remember that."  I set him on fire.

 Verdict:  Not sufficiently remembered!

Manrique is remembered solely for his glasses and that is a shame.  He was a useful back-up infielder who liked to suggestively autograph photos and very likely is a Timecop.  He probably saved Ferris Bueller's girlfriend from some past future murder and then went on with his mall shopping.  If nothing else, Manrique was a short-time Twins player with a big-time heart.  I made that last part up, but doesn't it make you feel better about him?

If you enjoyed this trip down Twins memory lane, why not check out the archives for more Forgotten Twins?  You can just click here, you don't have to move or anything.  If you'd like, make a request and I'll run him through my database. 

Brad Swanson is the inventor of Tae Bo.  He forgot how much he enjoyed writing by-lines.  He is a frequent contributor to that group of people who are in your way at the grocery store.
Posted by at 1 comment:
Labels: ,

Friday, September 13, 2013

Forgotten Twins? John Moses

My memories of John Moses

John Moses was a more notable former Twin to me than to just about anyone else in the World.  The reason why comes from my Grandmother.  She thought I looked like him.  I remember being told that as a child and it confused me as an adult.  Of course, I looked back at some images of myself from childhood, and you be the judge:


Perhaps she had a point.  As far as remembering John Moses as a player:  who knows?  He wasn't very good and he wasn't a Twin for very long.  And, apparently I looked like him.  Other than that, he was just some guy. 

Therefore, we need to research!

Baseball Reference

Wow, Moses played eleven seasons, three with the Twins!  I thought he was just a one- or two-year wonder.  I know squat.  For his career, he posted a .254/.313/.333 triple slash, but in that awful 80s hitting era, that worked out to a 187 OPS+.  Moses wasn't a show-off like some other players.  He saved home runs for special occasions, hitting one per season, with a career high three in 1986 and 1987.  He lead the AL in caught stealing in 1986 with 18.  Black ink!

Moses was a Twin from 1988-1990, narrowly missing out on Championships at both ends.  What luck!

Wikipedia

Moses has one of those sweet, easy-to-read one paragraph Wikipedia pages.  Again, not a show-off.  Essentially, we can learn that Moses was in fact a former baseball player and that he did spend a lot of time coaching after playing.  There was a lot more information about his coaching days, so that probably says a lot about his playing career.  Not mentioned in the text of his page is the fact that he was a member of the 1980 Arizona Wildcats College World Series Champions.  This was the biggest story in sports in 1980, so that's pretty cool.  He played with Craig Lefferts, Casey Candaele and future MLB manager/chipmunk Terry Francona (who was MVP).   

Google

Googling John Moses is like googling a bunch of random letters.  There are results, but most are irrelevant or nonsense.  I did find this blog though.  The author was counting down the 81 most forgettable Twins.  He stopped at 46.  It's an interesting concept, but incomplete.  If I start a Kickstarter to help this guy finish the list, who will contribute?  I'll kick in 4 bucks.  That's half of my net worth, so help out, others.  For what it's worth, John Moses checked in at 74, right in front of Bernardo Brito (El Pupo) at 75.  What a list!  I just want to know who number 1 was going to be!

Bing

Bing is Google, so the results are exactly the same.  However, I did find a John Moses who was the 22nd Governor of North Dakota and a John Moses, comedian.  According to the comedian's website, he had "the one album from 2012 you should get by a comedian you probably never heard of."  I can't decide if that's a backhanded compliment or not.  A compliment is a compliment, as I have come to learn.

Bing images brings back a lot of old dudes, many holding guns.  There are quite a few mug shots too.  There are very few images of our John Moses, but I did find this amazing notebook sketch that was probably drawn by a scout when Moses was a youngster.  Amazing; such impressive detail!

eBay

Hmm, lots of assorted baseball cards.  Some are autographed, some are not.

This listing is pretty incredible.  It's so odd because I was just thinking of going to eBay and looking for 3 baseball cards.  I didn't care what year, what kind, who, anything, I just want three baseball cards.  Lucky me. 

Wait, jackpot!  I found an autographed John Moses card from when he was a coach with the Albuquerque Isotopes.  It's just six bucks shipped.  It's pretty much one of a kind.  He looks really happy too. 

Side note:  Wasn't Albuquerque the potential destination for the Springfield Isotopes?  Isn't that why Homer went on his hunger strike?  Was Homer's strike all for naught?  Why does no one tell me these things?!?

 Facebook

This John Moses has a Facebook page.  He comes without exceptions.  He seems to be incapable of looking at a camera.  It's a disorder.  John Moses the singer has 439 likes and John Moses the comedian has 227 likes.  It's clear:  singing > comedy.  Our John Moses does not have a Facebook page.  There is a Moses John who is from Minneapolis.  Perhaps our John Moses was just too famous to have a Facebook page, so he flipped his name.

Twitter

John Moses the comedian has twitter.  He's the only comedian on twitter.  He doesn't tan, he roasts!   See, roast has a double meaning.  Here's a link to roast's definition.  But seriously, he is very kind, as you'll see below.  Sadly, for my purposes, he's getting in the way of real John Moses research.  Luckily, this MN Twins Zealot has a fun John Moses Fact:


Black ink!  Also, if you are interested, this guy is giving away a John Moses card: 


I wonder if he's had any luck finding a taker...


Nope.  Of course, it's only been about three and a half months, so give it time.  Or, act fast.  Actually, I'd give it time, you might be able to milk a few more cards out of the deal.

 YouTube

YouTube is devoid of John Moses the baseball player.  There are some party videos from John Moses, former Governor...  There's more from John Moses, comedian and John Moses, singer, but nothing from John Moses, baseball player.  

Here's what I can't figure out.  There are quite a few results for Ying Yang Twins songs when I search John Moses.  Is this some sort of default setting on my account?  Do I have the "if no results, then Ying Yang Twins" setting enabled?  If so, can someone help me turn it off?  It's not what I want.

 Random Person

Who's more random than one of the other John Moses's?  I sent him a Tweet, just to see if he was aware of his namesake. 


Success!  This should have been obvious to me.  If there was a Brad Swanson in the Majors when I was a kid, I'd have heard of him and I'd have every single card.  I'd have four of every card.  I was a very self-involved child.  Unfortunately, this was the only famous Brad Swanson.


Not the same.

 Verdict

John Moses has been forgotten by the vast majority of us.  It's sad but true.  John Moses the comedian and I might be the only people left who remembers John Moses the player.  In reality, there isn't room in this world for all these John Moses's.  There's a singer, a comedian, a former Governor and a former baseball player/coach.  It's too much.  However, if I ever wanted to start some form of Baseball Cabaret, I could do a lot worse than John Moses. 
Posted by at No comments:
Labels: ,

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Forgotten Twins? Gary Wayne

My memories of Gary Wayne

 That face!


I'm a little obsessed.  Or perhaps everyone else isn't obsessed enough.  I remember the birth mark and I remember that he was a lefty reliever who pitched for the Twins in 1991.  Ok fine, I got all that from the card.  Honestly, I don't remember much of Gary Wayne at all.  Are you happy?  I mean, he's my face hero and all, but I really have no clue who he was or what he was doing.

So, let's do some research!

Note:  Gary Wayne has one of those names that you have to go first and last, it's too odd to just write "Wayne" and I don't know him well enough to continually call him Gary.

Wikipedia

 Gary Wayne's Wikipedia page is disgustingly and embarrassingly sparse.  He's from Michigan and he went to the University of Michigan.  Way to branch out, Gar (I do know him well enough to call him Gar).  He was drafted by the Expos, so that's cool.  I can't imagine growing up in Michigan and then finding myself in French-Canada.  He was a part of the inaugural Colorado Rockies team.  If they were smart, they'd bring him back to throw out every first pitch ever.  Do you see his pitch face above?  It's an unstoppable idea.   

Baseball Reference

Wow, Gary Wayne played for the Twins for four seasons, amassing 147 games.  For some reason, I thought he was just on the '91 team.  He debuted on April 7, 1989 in a game against the Baltimore Orioles.  He faced seven batters with this awesome line:  4 BB, 3 K, 1 ER.  He went strikeout, walk, walk, strikeout, walk, walk, strikeout.  Using that pattern, what would be the next outcome?  Answer:  walk.  Math!

Wayne posted a 90 tOPS+ against lefties, so he wasn't much of a specialist.  Oh well.

Google

People who search for Gary Wayne also search for Gary Serum, Jerald Clark and Greg Harris.  Serum's middle name is Wayne, so that makes sense.  Jerald Clark and Greg Harris played for the '93 Rockies, so I guess that makes sense too.  That was boring.  Here's a fun image I found in Google Image search:  Yikes

A couple more things from the image search.  There are a ton of mugshots of dudes named Gary Wayne Something.  If you are having a baby boy, avoid Gary Wayne as a first and middle, unless you think statistics lie.  Also, Gary Coleman's middle name is Wayne, so he is a Gary Wayne as well.  I guess that's not so bad.

Bing

People who search for Gary Wayne on Bing also search for Bill Swift, Don Wakamatsu, Scott Bankhead and Bruce Ruffin.  Ruffin played on that stupid '93 Rockies team that everyone searches for.  Swift played for the Rockies a few years later.  The other two make no sense whatsoever beyond being baseball players.  Bing is stupid.  As a public service to all you weirdos searching for those '93 Rockies players, here are a few legitimately notable players from that team:  Andres Galarraga, Dante Bichette, Vinny Castilla, Dale Murphy, Eric Young and of course, Jayhawk Owens.  De nada.

eBay

Here's a whole mess of women's clothing that I found when searching "gary wayne" on eBay:  Your new wardrobe.  That's pretty confusing.  My favorite actual Gary Wayne item is this West Palm Beach Expos card:  Buy it!  For some unexplained reason, this card is $13.  Gary Wayne wouldn't spend 13 bucks on a Gary Wayne card.  He isn't even pitching in the card, so his face is pretty normal.  In case you were wondering, yes, shipping is 6 dollars.  It ships from the Moon though, so that is a pretty good rate.

Facebook

 Hmm, could this be our Gary Wayne?  There's no picture and no information, so I can really only come to the honest conclusion that yes, this is our Gary Wayne.  I sent him a friend request and once I show him all the great things I have done with his face, I am sure we will be best of friends.  I mean, how could he not enjoy this?  I'm guessing I'll be throwing out the first pitch at a Colorado Rockies game by mid-2014.  

Twitter

 Twitter doesn't seem to acknowledge Gary Wayne much at all.  There's this:

Cool history, bro.

And then this pathetic idiot using a 1991 Score Gary Wayne baseball card to try to get people to sign up for his pathetic Facebook page:
Pathetic.  

YouTube

 Ok, I know I have posted this before, but I'll be darned if I am not going to post it every chance I get.  Gary Wayne shows up with Kevin Tapani about 20 seconds in.  Watch the whole video.  It's going to change your life.



Gene Larkin might be insane.

 Random Person

I thought about calling a random person in the phone book, but I kept laughing at A Gorilla.  I can't ask anyone I know because I keep sending them pictures with Gary Wayne's face attached.  So, I did the only sensible thing and I asked this dude at Target:

Me:  Hey, this is weird, but do you remember Gary Wayne of the Twins?

Him:  /walks past me, looks combination annoyed/murderous

Me:  /decides to not ask a follow-up question

Verdict

Queens of the Stone Age has a song titled "You Can't Quit Me Baby" about a guy who won't let his beloved forget him, no matter what it takes.  I love that title.  It's terrifying and awesome all at once.  However, it's a dark topic and I feel some regret bringing it up right now, but You Can't Quit Gary Wayne Baby.  He'll never be forgotten.  Not on my watch.

Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooodbye!

What is your favorite Gary Wayne memory?  Mine is his face from that card.
Posted by at No comments:
Labels: ,

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Forgotten Twins? Bernardo Brito

For those who are unfamiliar with this feature, I scour the most reliable internet sites to try to determine whether or not a former Minnesota Twin is forgotten or not.  I use all the best sites – Wikipedia, Google, Bing, eBay, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and Baseball Reference.  If the player isn't featured to my liking, they are officially forgotten.  The entire first paragraph will come from my own memory though.  No guarantees for accuracy or insight.  At the very end, I will ask one random person if they remember the player.  Let’s start with someone I barely remember.

Enjoy!

My memories of Bernardo Brito

Can I say pass?  I certainly remember his name because it's hilarious.  But who is Bernardo Brito?  I'm going to say he was an outfielder and that he was only with the Twins for two seasons.  I want to say that he was on a Hall of Fame path as well.  I'll guess that he played for the Twins from 1993 to 1994 and that he hit about 7 home runs.  As you can clearly see, I have basically no recollection of Bernardo Brito.

Let's do some research!

Wikipedia

Oh goodness, what a gold mine!  Apparently he is known as "El Pupo."  Fantastic.  I love Bernardo Brito.  I can't find a translation, but Google Image seems to think it means bellybutton.  Is Bernardo Brito "The Bellybutton?"  I am so glad I chose him.  Brito was born on December 4, 1963 in San Cristobal, Dominican Republic.  He made his MLB debut on September 15, 1992.  He was known for his power and hit five career home runs.  He was an outfielder!  He played in Japan after leaving the Twins in 1995 and also played for the Sioux Falls Canaries.  His nickname was "The Bellybutton."  

Baseball Reference

Brito was signed out of the Dominican Republic in 1980 and made his debut in 1992.  That is wild!  Brito is the most fascinating player ever.  Brito played 40 games for the Twins spread out over 1992, 1993 and 1995.  He hit .219/.237/.466 in those games.  His Minor League stats are amazing.  He hit 295 career Minor League home runs.  He played over 700 AAA games.  He had just under 1500 hits in the Minors.  His 1994 season at AAA:  .309/.353/.572, 24 doubles, 29 home runs, 122 RBI.  The Bellybutton!

Google

Well, the third result down is a bit discouraging.  Apparently I completely ripped this idea off from RandBall.  Great.  We've come too far to not proceed; I'll just have to make sure to not completely rip him off.  

Stu's Hunt Down

No!  That would be ripping him off.  Idiot

Back to Google

Bernardo Brito E Cunha appears to be a Portuguese writer.  Going down South America way, I guess.  Anyway, he does not seem to be related to our Brito.  Here's a great Google Image result of Brito when he was apparently 13 years old:  Young Pupo.  The card looks to be a million years old, and I really wish I had it.  

Bing

Bing is stupid.  Regardless, I'll use it.  The Stu's Hunt Down feature is at the bottom of the second page of results, so that's something different.  On the fourth page of results, I did find this baseball card on Amazon, which you can buy for just over 7 bucks.  It's a great way to commemorate that awesome 1994 season that I mentioned earlier.  The paid search results seem to be imploring me to "find Bernardo Brito" and "uncover Bernardo Brito," which makes me worried that we have a missing persons case on our hands.  Probably not the case.  

eBay

 Oh man.  Did you ever want a really fake looking baseball card AND a signed note card of Bernardo Brito?  Here you go! You know this is an authentic autograph because no one would forge a note card.  I had a friend write the third verse from Onyx's "Slam" on a note card in 3rd grade and that is the only note card I would take over this Brito autograph.  No word on whether or not the note card is GEM MINT 10!!!

Facebook

Bernardo Brito doesn't have a facebook page that I can find.  He doesn't have a fan page yet either.  That's garbage.  El Pupo needs a fan page.  If anyone wants to go ahead and start one, I'll add a link at a later date.  Garbage.  

Twitter

Ok, there is definitely a guy named Bernardo Brito on Twitter and he tweets a lot.  I don't think it's our man though.  I can't read any of it, because I don't speak any languages, but the picture doesn't match and I can see faces.  I decided to look for "el pupo brito" and that led me to this man who is arguing that Brito is a better hitter than Albert Pujols and Jose Bautista.  Do you want to argue that?  
There are all kinds of tweets including Brito and other fun baseball players but I can't read any of them because I only took 8 years of Spanish and I'm a fantastic student.

YouTube

 I decided to roll the dice using "el pupo brito" as my search terms on YouTube, but the first result was about Julia Stiles, so I think I failed.  I tried everything, you guys.  I looked for Brito, Brito plus Twins, Brito plus baseball and there's just nothing.  The internet is devoid of Bernardo Brito videos.  This video of the 10 worst ceremonial first pitches will have to suffice.  

Random Person


I sent a text to a friend regarding Brito:
  • Me:  Do you remember Bernardo Brito?

  • Friend:  Nope

  • Me:  Did you know he was nicknamed "El Pupo?"

  • Friend:  How would I?
Good point.

Verdict

I say he's forgotten.  You can't have an HOF nickname like El Pupo or The Bellybutton,have such a lack of quality internet information and still be remembered.  When you throw in his Minor League career, Japanese career and huge power, it just feels like there should be more to uncover.  Thus, Bernardo Brito goes into the "forgotten" category, joining Pedro Munoz and Freddie Toliver.

What is your favorite El Pupo memory?  Do you even have one?
Posted by at 5 comments:
Labels: ,

Monday, June 24, 2013

Forgotten Twins? Brian Harper

My memories of Brian Harper

 I remember a lot about Brian Harper, but probably not as accurately as I should.  I'm pretty sure Harper caught for the Twins from 1988 to 1993.  I know that he was great and that he hit over .300 ALL THE TIME!  He was the catcher on the 1991 team.  He got run over during the World Series by an Atlanta player and when he got up he did this weird flip of the ball, as if he was going to flip it to someone else.  It was odd but cool.  He also had a great mustache and a mullet.  All in all, a plus player.  

Wikipedia

 Brian Harper's middle name is David.  He was born October 16, 1959 in San Pedro, California.  Harper was a fourth-round pick by the Angels back in 1977.  Apparently, he was a promising player but was never really given a chance to play catcher.  That all changed in 1988 when he signed with the Twins!  I totally nailed his time with the Twins, as he left after the 1993 because the Twins could not afford him.  (insert some things never change).  Harper is currently the hitting coach for the Iowa Cubs, the Chicago Cubs' AAA team.  Pretty cool.  

Baseball Reference

I was wrong about Harper hitting over .300 every year.  He hit over .300 in four of his six Twins seasons.  He hit .295 in 1988 and .294 in 1990.  What a bum.  Man, he did not walk or strike out much at all.  In his six years with the Twins, in 2691 plate appearances, he walked just 111 times and struck out just 128 times.  Remarkable.  Harper only played 66 more games after leaving the Twins.  He hit .291 in 64 games with the Brewers in 1994, then only played 2 games for Oakland in 1995.  Then he was done.  Crazy career.

Google


Well, if you know me at all, you have to know where I am going next.  Brian Harper the ceramic artist is not the same Brian Harper I grew up watching.  However, he may be equally interesting.  Here is his artaxis site: Brian Harper Ceramics.  I'm going to do some more research for my own personal purposes, but for you, I'll just leave you with this video:



 Bing

Using Bing Images, I found this iconic baseball card:


Nice phone bro.

I also came across some Amazon listings for Brian Harper.  I was confused because the same books were written by Brian Harper and Michael Prescott.  I thought I had uncovered a stolen identity scheme, but it turns out they are the same person.  Then, I thought it could be a The Prestige scenario, but nope, just a guy who wanted to change his name.  You can read about it here, at his beautiful website.  It's not our Harper either.

Alta Vista  eBay

 This Altavista thing is stupid.  I used it as a joke, but search engines are all the same, so I really don't need three.  Switching to eBay paid off immediately.  I found this listing for a Brian Harper Pirates name plate from one of his jerseys.  First, the description says it was "obtained through the Pirates clubhouse."  Hmm, I wonder if they know that.  Second, it says it is from one of "his 1982 - 1984 jersey's."  That's precise, but not very accurate.  Anyway, if you want a likely stolen scrap from one of Brian Harper's old jerseys, you just hit the jackpot.  

Facebook

 Brian Harper and I are not friends on Facebook... yet.  I looked for a fan page for Harper, but one does not exist.  However, there is a fan page for a basketball player named Brian Harper and it has 290 likes.  That's like 290 more than my Facebook page (click here, I'll give away a Gary Wayne card if we hit 50).  This Brian Harper can play the Forward and Center position and is currently playing in Germany. He also looks joyless, doesn't have a huge cell phone, a mullet or a mustache.  Wait, he does have a mustache.

Twitter

There's a Brian Harper on Twitter who likes baseball, but he seems mostly concerned with who is unfollowing him.  He does ask about catchers from time to time.  THE Brian Harper is not on Twitter.  He is busy being a hitting coach.  I did find two cool tweets about Harper though:
Answer:  Everyone
Brian Harper was very nearly a World Series hero before he was even a regular MLB player.  Too bad fate made him wait a few years to become relevant, but perhaps good for the Twins.

YouTube



I'm not going to rip this kid at all.  I love his cards and I love that he is showing them to me.  His energy level is a bit low, but it looks like he has a lot going on behind him.



This one is from a couple years ago.  Harper still looks good and has that gruff former baseball player voice. That is until the wind sweeps in and steals all the sound from Knoxville.

Random Person

I asked my wife if she remembers Brian Harper.  She replied, "oh, your favorite?"  I was confused.  She thought I was talking about Bryce Harper, who I do adore.  When I explained that I was referring to Brian Harper, former Twin, she simply said, "no" and went upstairs.  That went about as well as I thought it would.

Verdict

I think Brian Harper is properly remembered by the internet.  There is a cool kid showing his cards, he's a coach, he does ceramics and he assumed some author's identity.  Brian Harper was a great player for the Twins and helped them win the 1991 World Series.  I feel that I know this American Hero even better than I did before.  I guess that's why they call it research.  I'd say there is a very good chance that he coaches at the MLB level in the future and that's pretty cool.

What is your favorite Brian Harper memory?  You can't just say his mullet.  Or his mustache.
Posted by at 2 comments:
Labels: ,
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)