I'm sitting at home Monday night, minding my own business when I receive a text from a friend that reads: "Haha, Kevin Slowey to MIAMI'S bullpen. lol."
First off, I already knew you were laughing from the "Haha" so you didn't need to add lol at the end. Unless you were worried that I was unaware of how "out loud" you were laughing. Second, capitalizing entire words for emphasis is poor literary form. Third, you know I love Kevin Slowey irrationally, why are you trying to hurt me?
Well, mission accomplished, "friend," it did hurt me. Slowey was a personal favorite, as you know if you have read anything from this blog or if you simply can read a title. I felt that he was unfairly judged by stupid Twins fans. I also felt the stupid media treated him unfairly. Finally, I felt his stupid teammates did not appreciate him. Now, it appears that stupid Miami is treating him like some castoff spy who has lost everything and has to rely only on the people who are still talking to him.
I decided that it would be only fair to recap his season in the best possible manner: inventing something called a Twitline (Twitter time line). As such, I present to you my very first Twitline: Kevin Slowey's tumultuous 2013 season.
When we last heard from our hero, he was injured and had missed most of the 2012 season. He had not been retained by the Indians and was a free agent. At least until:
#Marlins dig into minor league FA pool, signing RHPs Kevin Slowey & Mitch Talbot (14-3, 3.97 in 138 IP in KBO), plus 2B Matt Downs.Oh, cool, welcome back Mr. Slowey. I figured he would get a chance with some team. He was only 28 and he had moderate success as a Twin. Of course, a Minor League deal is still no sure thing. I knew he faced an uphill climb. Of course, uphill in Miami is pretty much as steep as you can adjust a treadmill, so he certainly had found the best possible landing spot. Soon the stories were pouring in, stating that Slowey was working his way toward a rotation spot:
— Matt Eddy (@MattEddyBA) January 23, 2013
Ex-Minnesota Twins pitcher Kevin Slowey seeks to revive career with #Marlins... http://t.co/ABPDVjo9u8If you read that article, you will see that Slowey's "competition" for the last rotation spot included John Maine, Wade LeBlanc, Alex Sanabia and Brad Hand. Not surprisingly:
— Joe Capozzi (@joecapMARLINS) March 12, 2013
Former #MNTwin Kevin Slowey has made the #Marlins opening day roster. Did not pitch in the MLB in 2012.Congrats, Kevin! This feeling will last forever, I'm sure. Pitching for the Marlins will never lead to heartbreak...
— Brandon Warne (@Brandon_Warne) March 26, 2013
Poor Kevin Slowey. Marlins have scored six runs in his six starts.Crud. Of course, at least there is one media member who does not hate Slowey. I can't imagine that the Marlins purposely scored few runs for Slowey, just to punish him for reading. I suppose it's possible, but unlikely. Perhaps they were just waiting to explode.
— Adam Rubin (@AdamRubinESPN) May 1, 2013
Kevin Slowey had made 6 starts before today. #Marlins had scored 8 runs in those 6 games combined. Today they scored 9 for him in 3 innings/Marlins explode. Slowey hadn't won in over two years. Could the Marlins hold on?
— Jayson Stark (@jaysonst) May 5, 2013
There's other stuff going on: like Kevin Slowey about to win for first time since 2010. He's looked great all season.The suspense is killing me!
— Eric Karabell (@karabellespn) May 5, 2013
They held on. He won. I celebrated with an entire pack of Klondike bars, which are from Slowey's hometown of Pittsburgh. I like to celebrate in a culturally sensitive manner. At this point, Slowey has reached the highest of highs. This would not be the time to get cocky and do something weird or something that makes you a target of your teammates...
#Marlins wives get pep talk from Kevin Slowey before Wives Softball game vs. #Rays http://t.co/TLUPSo0FrzWelp.
— Joe Capozzi (@joecapMARLINS) May 27, 2013
Success for Slowey never seems to last. He had pitched well in April, but was less impressive in May. In June, Slowey had to do the thing that he hated most. The very thing that drew Twins fans' ire and Twins media's catcalls and barbs: pitch in relief.
Kevin Slowey and Shaun Marcum each had a 0.6 fWAR for their work in that 20 inning game.Hooray! This was not a normal relief outing. He came in to what would become a 20 inning game and pitched for basically an entire Slowey start. This shouldn't become anything permanent, so long as his next start goes well.
— Mike Gianella (@MikeGianella) June 12, 2013
Kevin Slowey struggles on short rest as Miami Marlins get trounced by Brewers: http://t.co/MWzwKC8eKnWelp #2. Trounced is not a word that is generally associated with "good pitching." However, it was just one start, right?
— Miami Herald Sports (@HeraldSports) June 13, 2013
Kevin Slowey, who had a 2.15 ERA in April, has compiled a 5.88 ERA since the beginning of May. #heiswhowethoughthewasThat hashtag is too long. However, it does appear that he didn't just have one bad trouncing. He had a 5.88 ERA, including that awesome relief outing. That means his ERA must have been around 20 (I'm bad at estimating) in his starts. Oh no, this can really only mean one thing.
— J.P. Breen (@JP_Breen) June 14, 2013
Marlins move Kevin Slowey to the bullpen http://t.co/aIob2CGr1XWelp #3. This was probably inevitable. It does seem ironic that Slowey was relegated to the bullpen. After all, the Twins tried to use Slowey in the bullpen and he famously declared that it takes him too long to get loose, so the bullpen isn't the right place for him. I really think that he was just upset that Nick Blackburn was starting over him, but I can't prove that. Kevin, if you are reading, back me up.
— Rotoworld Baseball (@Rotoworld_BB) June 18, 2013
Regardless, I'm sure Twins fans/supporters will handle this news appropriately...
HAHAHAHAHA RT @Rotoworld_BB: Marlins move Kevin Slowey to the bullpen http://t.co/xGKeFSrpPD
— Kristine (@mntwinsforever) June 18, 2013
Kevin Slowey moved to the Marlins bullpen. I'm sure there will be no pity parade brought on by him. Slowey would never pout about anything.Cool.
— Andy Rennecke (@AndyRennecke) June 18, 2013
Good luck in the bullpen, Kevin. I mean that sincerely. I'll always appreciate you. Godspeed. To infinity and beyond. Please don't go out on me. Can't find a better man. I'm still alive. Even Flow.