Tuesday, June 11, 2013

25 Minnesota Twins Drafts in 25 Days: DVD Bonus Features

Well, well, well, look who's back!  I'm known for two things:  one, I've never seen Star Wars, and two, I can't let go of anything.  I found that writing about Twins drafts was really fun and since I love fun, I'm going to write just a hair more.  However, I'm out of recent drafts and I need a bit more time to decompress after the 2013 draft.  So, here are some DVD bonus features from the 25 drafts that I did summarize.  I hope you can both forgive me and enjoy these lists. 

If you missed any of the actual recaps, you can find them here:  25 Drafts in 25 Days.

My eight favorite picks
  1. Brad Radke - 1991 8th Round - Just think how we would feel about him if his name was Brad Radki.
  2. Corey Koskie - 1994 26th Round - Canadian. 
  3. Joe Mauer - 20011st Round - I'm contractually obligated to list him no lower than third.
  4. Justin Morneau - 1999 3rd Round - Canadian.
  5. Jason Kubel - 2000 12th Round - He was always squinting, but the Twins certainly had to look closely to find him back in 2000. 
  6. Nick Blackburn - 2001 29th Round - I'm no Nick Blackburn fan, but this was an impressive selection.
  7. Eddie Guardado - 1990 21st Round - I want to make a pants joke, but I'm too good for that.
  8. Byron Buxton - 2012 1st Round - How high is his ceiling?  Try stacking three giraffes and then having the top one hold up some balloons.  Helium balloons. 

My eight least favorite picks
  1. Adam Johnson - 2000 2nd Overall - He went to Torrey Pines High School, which is a golf course not a high school so I don't blame him anymore.  Adjust your list accordingly.
  2. Travis Lee - 1996 2nd Overall - Was not offered a contract because the Twins thought he was from Sandy Eggo and that sounded gross.
  3. Dave McCarty - 1991 3rd Overall - He hit 36 more home runs than you did.  Unless you are Denny Hocking.  He hit 11 more home runs than you, Denny Hocking. 
  4. B.J. Garbe - 1999 5th Overall - Played for the 2005 Inland Empire 66ers. 
  5. Ryan Mills - 1998 6th Overall - Very boring name.  I consider name the sixth tool.
  6. Johnny Ard - 1988 20th Overall - Went to Manatee Community College.  I think that "learning at the speed of a manatee" would be a bad motto.  Unless manatees are fast.
  7. Todd Walker - 1994 - 8th Overall - Actually, Walker was excellent.  The Twins just didn't like him and since I write for the Twins (I think), I don't like him either. 
  8. Mark Redman - 1995 13th Overall - Ask your oldest Minnesota-born relative to say his name.  Did he say Mike Redman? 

My eight favorite names
  1. Brian Dinkelman - 2006 - His name should be retired by the Twins.  They could hang it next to the retired numbers.
  2. Mario Opipari - 1996
  3. Rhett Riviere - 1998
  4. Eammon Portice - 2004
  5. Miers Quigley - 2008
  6. Pat Tingley - 2001
  7. John Gumpf - 1989
  8. Tagg Bozied - 1997 and 2000

My eight biggest "snaps"  (snaps are insults I believe, but might be cookies)
  1. I called Travis Lee a "jag" in 1997
  2. I posited that a post would have had more value than Todd Ritchie and Midre Cummings in 1990
  3. Made fun of Denny Hocking's hair in 1997 (I was on a roll in '97)
  4. Said Matt Tolbert looks like a bird in 2004
  5. Disparaged Ben Revere's ability to wear a hat in 2007
  6. Took a shot at Minnesotans rioting after Gopher hockey Championships in 2012
  7. Unprovoked Nick Blackburn insult when discussing Scott Baker in 2003
  8. Denard Span always looked tired, and I thought it was probably because he was conserving his energy for getting picked off - 2002

I'm the worst.

My eight most sultry alternate realities
  1. Gio Gonzalez, Yovani Gallardo, Hunter Pence and Dustin Pedroia instead of Trevor Plouffe, Kyle Waldrop, Matt Fox and Jay Rainville in 2004
  2. Mike Mussina instead of Todd Ritchie in 1990
  3. CC Sabathia instead of Ryan Mills in 1998
  4. Manny Ramirez instead of Dave McCarty in 1991
  5. Roy Halladay instead of Mark Redman in 1995
  6. Adam Jones instead of Matt Moses in 2003
  7. Nomar Garciaparra instead of Todd Walker in 1994
  8. Lance Berkman instead of Michael Cuddyer in 1997 (sorry Cuddy)

My eight biggest Minnesota haters
  1. Jason Varitek
  2. Jason Varitek
  3. Jason Varitek
  4. Jason Varitek
  5. Jason Varitek
  6. Jason Varitek
  7. Jason Varitek
  8. Jason Varitek

My eight favorite Fun Facts
  1. This has nothing to do with anything, but I noticed that Twins' 42nd-round pick Andy Neufeld went to Manatee Community College in Bradenton, Florida.  I'm pretty sure I made fun of that name before, but I can't really remember why.  Anyway when looking through other players from this school, I found this guy:  Hilly Hathaway!  Doesn't that sound like the name of a player from the 1890s?  Hilly did not have much of a career, but that is a fantastic name and no one can take that from him.  - 1998
  2. The Brewers ate a sandwich that the Twins left in the visiting clubhouse.  The Twins received a 4th round compensation pick for the sandwich. - 2005  (context:  I think the compensation system is silly)
  3. Trevor Plouffe went to Crespi Carmelite High School, which sounds like a tasty candy bar. - 2004
  4. The Twins drafted Tim Sturdy in the 23rd round.  Oddly enough, he was 7' 5" and 155 lb. - 1997
  5. 32nd-round selection Nolan Mulligan was drafted three times, which seems appropriate. - 2004
  6. The Twins also had a second third round pick, as compensation for losing Wally Backman.  Apparently in the 90s, teams were compensated for losing Wally Backmans.  Seriously. - 1990
  7. Levale Speigner does not qualify for "best name" as his real first name is "Jimmy."  - 2003
  8. The Twins drafted Joe Mauer's older brother Jake in the 23rd round.  As an older brother, I can attest that having my younger brother drafted 22 rounds higher than me would be just fine. - 2001

My eight stupidest Fun Facts
  1. Michael Restovich, the Twins' second-round pick, went to Mayo High School.  When you think of it, it's a Miracle that he Whipped himself to the Big Leagues.  Right? - 1997
  2. Fifth-round pick Edgardo Lebron is of no relation to NBA star LeBron James, as they have completely different names. - 2000
  3. The Twins drafted Anthony Slama in the 39nd round and immediately imprisoned him.  - 2006
  4. Third-round pick Angel Morales is currently playing with Fort Myers.  He is a local Angel.  He has played over 260 games in Fort Myers.  He's spent more time in Fort Myers than long-time Fort Myers Mayor Randy Henderson, Jr.  EEEYYY-OOO!  That's actually not true.  - 2007
  5. The Twins drafted future big-leaguers Mike Ryan, Mike Lincoln and Mike Lamb for the first ever reported Tri-Mike-Fecta, which I actually just invented if you can believe that. - 1996
  6. I briefly thought that Barry Quickstad's name was Barry Quicksand.  Once I realized my error, I completely lost interest in Barry Quickstad. - 1999
  7. The Twins drafted John Gaub out of South St. Paul High School in the 25th round. Due to his uncontrollable tunneling instincts, Gaub chose to head to the University of Minnesota to become a gopher.  He would emerge in 2006 as an Indians' 21st-round pick. - 2003
  8. The Twins drafted Steven Liddle in the 15th round.  I had a whole spiel written about how this pick was nepotism and that he was only drafted because he was Steve Liddle's kid and how disgusted I was and how it made me sick to my stomach.  Then, I looked it up and they aren't related.  Now I just think it's cute.  - 2009

My thanks

Thanks again for reading.  You are my sunshine.  You are also the sunshine of my love.  And, my life.  You are also my muse. 

BONUS - 8 Reindeer (from memory)
  1. Donner
  2. Blitzen
  3. Dasher
  4. Prancer
  5. Dancer
  6. 3 more
Merry Christmas everyone!


  1. in re: reindeer, you forgot Dozier.

    1. That was a big miss on my part.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. Anthony Slama should have been a closer. Or a power hitter. Slama the door shut, or hit a Grand Slama!

    Also, I once met Dave McCarthy in a hallway at a hotel. He was there for some baseball card show, and doing signatures. The show was over, and he was kind enough to sign a napkin that I gave him for free. Nice guy. But, yeah, not a great draft choice.

    1. I take shots at McCarty whenever I can, but I'm sure he was a tremendous player. It's so hard to be a first base prospect. It's cool to hear that he's a nice guy and I'm happy he got taste some success with the Sox. I wasn't aware of that either!

  4. Speaking of Dave McCarty (sorry for the spelling earlier,) I just saw that he got himself a World Series ring with the Red Sox in 2004. That son of a gun!