Friday, June 6, 2014

Juney June Mailbag

I made a feeble attempt to generate actual questions for this month, as you can see here:
I am deathly afraid of rejection, so I qualified it like four times.  Shockingly, that one tweet did not generate any questions!  Instead, I have some questions from a different resource.  Me.

OMG are you done complaining about the lineup?  Josmil Pinto has been playing more and he hasn't done anything.  You whined and cried and now you have your wish.  Are you finally content?

Brad S, St. Paul, MN

Yeah, I'm super excited that Pinto isn't hitting.  I pretty much knew that would happen.  As I've written before, I don't believe in jinxes and I'm convinced that I am a giant jinx.  My gripe with Pinto is less about how he has played and more about the fact that he needs to be playing to develop.  Sitting on the bench three out of four games will not help Pinto hit MLB pitching.  It's a nice bonus that Pinto had been one of the  Twins' best hitters, but to me, that isn't the main reason why he needs to be in the lineup.  

It's bad enough that he will develop as a catcher primarily by practicing and watching, not playing in games, but he needs to be hitting because his bat is what makes him an enticing young player.  Keep him in the lineup, fellas. 

What did you think of the Twins taking shortstop Nick Gordon with their first-round pick?

Draftniks everywhere, MN

If you are really everywhere, why say you're from Minnesota?  Anyway, I love it.  An athletic true shortstop with a strong arm and possible 20 HR upside?  That sounds pretty great.  I had secretly hoped that Carlos Rodon would slip to the Twins, but I knew that wouldn't actually happen.  Gordon instantly becomes one of the Twins' top ten prospects and the fact that his dad and brother are MLB players is pretty nice.  It was a great pick. 

What do you think of this caaaaarazy Mike Pelfrey situation?  Is he hiding an injury?  Is he bad?  Both?  Thanks, I'm a huge reader.

Brad S, St. Paul, MN

I have a question for you.  Actually, a question for Twins fans.  Here are three scenarios:
  1. The Twins do not sign Mike Pelfrey and pocket $11 million
  2. The Twins sign Mike Pelfrey for $11 million and he pitches poorly
  3. The Twins sign Mike Pelfrey for $11 million and he barely pitches because he's injured most of the two years
I honestly feel that more people would prefer number 3 to number 1.  I think that many fans would be happy to waste that $11 million of Pohlad cash rather than let them pocket it.  I'm not saying I agree or disagree with that sentiment, I just think it's interesting. 

As for the situation?  Who cares?  Pelfrey is awful and the Twins don't miss him.  If he comes back, great.  He seems like a nice enough guy.  If he's out for a short or long while?  The Twins will get by. 

What's your deal?  I've known you for a long time.  When I first met you, you could barely string together a sentence.  You never said anything of interest.  You couldn't even feed yourself properly.  What qualifies you to be critical of a Major League Baseball team?

Mom, St. Paul, MN

Obviously, this blog is meant to be fun.  On occasion, I'll take a shot at someone with much more talent than I possess.  When that happens, please remember that this blog is for entertainment purposes only.  I did not actually talk to Ron Gardenhire like I wrote here.  I did not spy on a Target Field Promotions meeting like I wrote here

I have no business giving advice about hitting, pitching, prospects, fielding, managing, coaching, grounds keeping, cap-wearing, sweating, growing a beard, winning, losing, building a team, operating a team, Twitter, writing, talking, thinking, ponies, cheering, cheerleading, and/or player adoption.  That said, I will write about any and all of those topics, because it's fun.  

Are you ready to admit that you were wrong about Aaron Hicks?  Can you finally admit that he should be in AAA?

Brad S, St. Paul, MN

I am ready to admit that Hicks should be in AAA.  I am ready to laud Hicks for making the decision to stop switch hitting.  I am willing to admit that I was wrong about Hicks being a good player right now.  However, I am not willing to admit that I think Hicks will never be a productive player.  He's just too talented.  If nothing else, Hicks should be able to round into a good 4th outfielder.  Maybe that isn't much, but wouldn't we kill for a good 4th outfielder right about now? 

I hold out higher hopes for Hicks than a 4th outfielder, but I am starting to come around to the line of thinking that he won't hit enough to play a corner productively.  If that's the case, hopefully the Twins will be able to get something of value for him down the road because I really hope that I never have to admit to being wrong about Byron Buxton (who I think will one day paint the Sistine Chapel 2)

You have recently made it very clear that you love/want to adopt Oswaldo Arcia.  Some might argue that the fire that he plays with makes him reckless or even shows up other, calmer players.  What say you?  Thanks for the posts, they certainly take up space.

Brad S, St. Paul, MN

If you know me, you know that I love big personalities.  Arcia is clearly an emotional guy.  I think that this is a good thing and I hope that no one tries to change his personality.  Ron Gardenhire said that he wouldn't, so that takes away the most likely culprit.  Arcia is a young man and I'm sure he won't be this excitable when he's older.  That said, it's really fun to watch him play baseball and I am a fan of baseball. 

If he's ever looking for someone to hang out with, I did take four years of high school Spanish and I have a car. 

What do you consider proper ballgame attire?  Thanks, I enjoy the casual fashion of your blog.

Brad S, St. Paul, MN

This is a great question.  It really depends on the time of the year.  The only game I have attended so far this year was very brisk and windy.  Naturally, I wore a t-shirt and jeans and nearly died of hypothermia.  I got that cold cough as I ran back to my car.  You know, that feeling when you run in the cold?  Maybe it's just me.  I work in a coal mine. 

Anyway, you have to dress to the weather.  If it's below 50, I recommend snow pants.  Snow pants was my mortal enemy when I was a kid, but I'd kill for a pair of good snow pants as an adult.  I'd walk around in them all day long.  Just swishing to and fro, it would be phenomenal.  In fact, I'm going to recommend snow pants regardless of temperature. 

So, now you have your bottoms picked out, what else?  If it's cold, wear a thermal sweatshirt with a hood.  You may think, why not a jacket?  Well, remember, those snow pants are going to keep you mighty warm on their own.  You might not need  a jacket and if you have to take it off, do you really want to put in on the ground in a puddle of spilled beer and peanut spittings?  Do you want to sit on it?  You'll be six inches taller and the person behind you will spit peanuts on you as a punishment.  No, no jacket, thermal sweatshirt.  Accessorize with a nice hat.  Maybe one of those jester hats?  It's warm and it shows that you have a silly side. 

If it's summer, you can't go wrong with an opened up button-down shirt.  Trust me when I tell you that everyone wants to see your chest and stomach.  Roll up them sleeves too.  Remember, you're going to take on some heat in the snow pants area.  As for a hat, opt for a visor.  That way, excess heat will escape your head, while you still get that cool hat-brim sunburn that drives the ladies wild. 

If these options do not appeal to you, I'll suggest what I suggest for just about every situation:  one of those one-piece jumpsuits.  With snow pants. 

Will you stop?

G. Monsoon, WWF

Yes, yes I will.  Have a nice weekend, everyone!

Brad Swanson's Mom is actually a terrific person.  Brad Swanson thinks silly jokes are silly and fun.  Brad Swanson once dropped his phone into the sink and then wondered out loud about why it wasn't working.


  1. Thanks for sharing the fun, Brad. I'm keeping my fingers crossed on Hicks, like you. Hoping he'll be the Jacque Jones to Brian Buxton's Torii Hunter someday. (Did I say that right?)

    1. Sounds good to me! I think Hicks could round into a Rich Becker type, but when he was good that one year in 1996. With his defensive profile, he'll stick around for a long time, maybe just not with the Twins.

  2. Wow, your readers ask some great questions! Here's one - how do you feel about the Kendrys Morales signing? Will this be a positive signing of an aging slugger, ala Jim Thome, or something more like Brett Boone or Ron-DL White?

    1. I love the name Ron-DL White, by the way. That's amazing.

      I think it will be more of a Thome-level signing, but not quite that successful. Morales is a great hitter and I don't see why that will change with the Twins. I like the signing and I was very surprised by it!

  3. Wish I could take credit for it - my buddy Brian Shawn came up with it. Yeah, his power will be a welcomed addition.

    1. Well, you shared it with me, so I give you points for that.

  4. Awesome post Brad, I think this is one of your funniest ever!