BSwanson0928: Hey Brad.
KPuckFan34123456: who is this? a/s/l? pics?
BSwanson0928: Stop that. Don't do that. No one has pics.
This is your future self. We need to talk about some stuff.
KPuckFan34123456: how?
BSwanson0928: In 2000, you're going to see a movie called
Frequency. It will all make sense then. For now, you'll just
have to trust me.
KPuckFan34123456: ok. i still don't believe you. prove
you are me?
BSwanson0928: Well, you have way too many baseball cards.
Which is something we need to talk about. Those things take
up a lot of space. You're going to buy a house in the future and
it's going to have a lot of living space, but little storage space.
Therefore, your cards are in a pretty dank closet where some
pipes are close to bursting. Just an FYI. Stop buying 1991
Topps please. Newsflash: They don't go up in value!
KPuckFan34123456: it's 1993.........
BSwanson0928: An ellipsis has just three dots. Please use
capital letters; you're better than this.
KPuckFan34123456: If you're me in the future, why is your
name different?
BSwanson0928: AIM goes out of style shortly after Frequency
comes out. I don't think the two events are related, more just
coincidence.
KPuckFan34123456: ok...
BSwanson0928: Better. You don't seem very excited to talk
with me. This is a good thing. I have information that will help you
as you get older. Information that will help you be a better baseball
fan.
KPuckFan34123456: I'm a great baseball fan. I have tons of
baseball cards. I have posters. I read Matt Christopher books.
I know a ton about baseball!
BSwanson0928: Then why are you collecting Pedro Munoz and
Gary Wayne baseball cards?
KPuckFan34123456: Those guys are awesome! Munoz had 71
RBI and Wayne's ERA was under 3!
BSwanson0928: Well, the Wayne cards are going to help you in
the future, but not because you're going to sell them.
BSwanson0928: Actually, that statement makes your future
seem a bit bleak, so ignore that. Those guys aren't that good.
KPuckFan34123456: No way! They are awes! What do you
know anyway?
BSwanson0928: I know that we shouldn't say "awes" anymore.
Look, we're going to read a book called Moneyball when you're
older. You're going to learn things you can unlearn. You're going
to see the movie a few years after that. You're going to like it, but
it's going to seem like no one else did. That's fine. Be you.
KPuckFan34123456: What are you talking about?
BSwanson0928: Be You is a Lil' Wayne thing. You're going
to like him as a kid and then he'll be really popular when you're
too old to understand hip hop music.
KPuckFan34123456: This is really confusing. I meant the
baseball stuff.
BSwanson0928: Right. Baseball. Basically, you're not
understanding how to value players properly. You're looking
at baseball card stats, instead of what actually makes a player
good. You're terribly ignorant to WAR.
KPuckFan34123456: Like the Gulf War? We learn about
that in Social Studies. Social Studies is really boring. I hope
we don't have that in the future.
BSwanson0928: Let's stay on topic. I'm talking about WAR
not war. WAR is wins above replacement. It's a way to value
players based on how well they perform above a player who
could be called up from AAA. It incorporates all elements of
what makes a baseball player good.
KPuckFan34123456: You mean like clutch and team
chemistry?
BSwanson0928: No, I mean like offense and defense? Can
you measure clutch? Should we be trying to see how good
players are at smiling? How do you quantify that? Huh? Have
you even used Excel yet?
KPuckFan34123456: Sheesh, what's your problem? Is our
future really bad or something?
BSwanson0928: Ok, that was harsh. Moneyball and
Sabermetrics are all about understanding the true value of a
player. That's what I want you to understand, so that I can
understand it better at my age.
KPuckFan34123456: How old are you anyway?
BSwanson0928: 30
KPuckFan34123456: Whoa! You're old. Do you have a car?
BSwanson0928: We have a Nissan Sentra.
KPuckFan34123456: So our future is kinda bad, right?
BSwanson0928: It gets great gas mileage and never needs
maintenance. It was a smart buy, and I'm sick of...
Ok, look, we can talk about how a car loses half it's value
when you drive it off the lot during another Frequency chat.
We need to focus on baseball right now.
KPuckFan34123456: Fine, what is Sabermetrics?
BSwanson0928: Sabermetrics is baseball analysis. It's looking
at baseball in a new way. It's trying to understand why things
happen they way they happen.
KPuckFan34123456: That sounds fun. Not! Why can't we
just watch baseball?
BSwanson0928: This is better. You get to be right about things.
More importantly, it will help your future blog. I'm running out of
ideas at this point. I'm resorting to really odd gimmicks involving
putting Twins player heads on bird bodies.
KPuckFan34123456: That sounds hilarious!
BSwanson0928: Well, at least I found my target audience.
You need to embrace sabermetrics. I'm going to email you
some books to read. Try to get them read by next week so
we can chat again.
KPuckFan34123456: Cool, homework. Did we become a
teacher or something?
BSwanson0928: Yep, a social studies teacher in fact. So there.
Maybe if you embrace this new idea before anyone else, we can
avoid this "horrible" fate. So yeah, homework. Take notes too.
You suck at taking notes.
KPuckFan34123456: Ugh. How am I going to have time to
read a bunch of books? I've got stuff to do.
BSwanson0928: Well first, you can just go ahead and stop playing
the trumpet. You're awful. Sorry, but it's true. Also, you don't
need to play Sonic as much as you are. Believe me, you're going
to play plenty of video games in your life. That full season of World
Series Baseball that you played? Come on.
KPuckFan34123456: Hey, I broke Roger Maris' home run record
with Frank Thomas. It was awesome, no one will ever do that!
BSwanson0928: Look, just read the books and learn. If you have
time, try to learn HTML too. I can't figure it out for the life of me.
They say you need to learn a language young.
KPuckFan34123456: What's HTML? Is that another thing that
makes baseball boring?
BSwanson0928: AH! Sabermetrics makes baseball better. You
get to predict things and you're usually right! One day, you're going
use Sabermetrics to explain things to others. You're going to make
a ton of accurate predictions in your blog.
KPuckFan34123456: I don't know what a blog is, but it sounds
stupid.
BSwanson0928: It kind of is, but you really enjoy it.
KPuckFan34123456: Hmm, it must be fun to always be right about
everything. I'm sure that never gets old to people you hang out with.
BSwanson0928: Hey, that sarcasm isn't as awesome as you think it
is. But, I appreciate your insightful observation. This wit will take you
a long way.
KPuckFan34123456: Really?
BSwanson0928: Nah, not really. But you're happy.
KPuckFan34123456: Ok. Well, I'll try to read your books. NBA
Jam comes out this week and I think I'm going to ask Dad to take
me to Best Buy to get it. Is it worth it?
BSwanson0928: Oh goodness, yes. Ignore everything we talked
about and just play NBA Jam non-stop. I'll email you some codes
to unlock special players. You can play as Bill Clinton and Crunch.
KPuckFan34123456: Nice! I can't wait to get on fire and do a
bunch of dunks.
BSwanson0928: You're going to love it. Just save the game this time.
You sell it for store credit at FuncoLand when you're older and it's one
of your greatest regrets.
KPuckFan34123456: I'll try to remember. Ok, I gotta go eat. Mom
made dinner.
BSwanson0928: Eat your dinner and tell Mom you like it.
KPuckFan34123456: Ok. Bye.
BSwanson0928: Bye.
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