Monday, April 22, 2013

Gimmick Post - Winter Weather Blues

It seems that just about every Twins game is snowed or rained or winded out these days.  When is MLB going to wake up and start banning weather from their games?!?  If nothing else, the Twins should have no home games in April, just in case it snows.  Then, they should have no home games in May because of melting.  June would be out due to mosquitoes.  September is probably pushing it when it comes to snow again.  August can be quite sultry.

The obvious solution:  The Twins play all 81 home games in a row, immediately following the All-Star break.  At roughly 3 hours per game, they could fit four games in per day.   This means that in about 20 days, the Twins could get all their home games in, without the threat of snow, melt water, dangerous pests and sultry temperatures.  If MLB ever got their act together and enacted a plan like this, maybe we wouldn't have to sit through these random days without baseball!

Without baseball, I decided that it might be fun to cram as many gimmicky ideas as I can into one post. I love gimmicks.  Slideshows, top ten lists, poems, bullet lists, other lists.  Ok, maybe I just like lists.  I still think I am on to something here.  Just a bunch of gimmicks all put together.  All it needs is a catchy title, and everyone will be hooked. 

I shall call it:  Gimmick Post.  Fasten your safety belts, it is going to be a wild ride. 

Random Top 5 List

Here are the top 5 teams in the AL Central as of 4/22/2013:
  1. Royals
  2. Twins
  3. Tigers
  4. Indians
  5. White Sox
That's right, your Minnesota Twins are in second place.  My Minnesota Twins are also in second place.

Fun Stat

If Aaron Hicks walks another time in April (if the Twins ever play in April again, right?  lol), he will set a Twins' rookie record for most walks in April by a first year player.  He is currently tied with Jim Eisenreich, who added 23 hits that month.  Hicks currently has 3.

KWL Chart

A KWL chart is an organizational tool that many teachers use with students to help them with a new topic.  They can also be helpful with topics we want to explore further. 

K is what you know, W is what you want to know, and L is what you have learned.

Here is a KWL chart that I made, with Brian Dozier as the subject:

I didn't learn much, but I am happy to know that Dozier has a friend in Josh Willingham.

My answer to a hypothetical question posted on the Twins' Facebook page:

Question:  Why don't all you whiners take your precious retactable roof AND STICK IT WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE!

Answer:  I feel there should be a question mark after your exclamation mark, but I'm just being a punctuation perfectionist.  I'm not sure what a retactable roof is either.  The irony of this question is that a retractable roof would conceivably be placed in an area where the sun does shine, thus blocking it out.  In a sense, you are answering your own question.  If the roof was where the sun does not shine, then we wouldn't be able to enjoy the sun anyway, thus making the retractable roof quite useful and not inhibiting to a person who wants to enjoy a nice, sunny day of baseball.  That being said, your use of capital letters is very effective.    

Random Photoshop:

Joe Mauer gets a lot of attention for his sideburns.  What if he didn't have them?

Yeah, so maybe the sideburns work.

A Link to something stupid I wrote:

I transcribed my guttural reaction to Ben Revere's catch last week.  You can read it here

Random Paint Image:

Here is a picture I drew of Target Field, from these past few weeks.  I tweeted this out earlier, but no one follows me on Twitter, so here it is again:

A Link to something not stupid I wrote:

I wrote a screenplay a few weeks ago.  It is both not stupid and stupid.  I think it's satire.  I'm not really sure.  However, there are many puns.  I punned Justin Morneau, Vance Worley, Brandon Boggs, Trevor Plouffe and Anthony Slama.  No one is spared!  No one!  Here it is.

Parting Haiku

No Twins game today
The relentless winter weather is bearing down on us like an unstoppable force, berating us with constant barbs of snow and a biting wind that will chew all the way to our very soul
Soon it will be May

Perhaps that wasn't a Haiku.  If you prefer accurate poetry, you can sub this line where you see fit:  Winter weather will not leave.

I like my version better. 


  1. It's not even close. Yours is easily my favorite, the funniest, most entertaining blog regarding the Twins, even literate, and I will go to my grave promoting it. You can put that in your hash pipe and...

    A bit overdone, yes. But, again, kudos on what you have going on here. Sincerely, I'll drop in a link of your choosing at Classic Minnesota Twins Facebook, my Twitter of the same name, in Pravda, my hometown New Prague Times, whereever. I hope you drop me a line: Aloha, man.

  2. I am really glad that you are enjoying the posts. You are always welcome to share anything you think is worth sharing and I will certainly do the same. I have some plans for a links type post, although I'm still trying to come up with the proper obnoxious name for it.