I realized this morning that I have been maintaining this blog for roughly a year. I remember this because I started around the time of the State Fair last year. That is a captivating story on it's own, but there's a point to the story as well. I looked at the date on my first post and found that my very first post was on 8/17/2012, or exactly one year and one day ago. Cool, I forgot my own birthday. However, anniversary celebrations are the most important component of a successful relationship; much more important than trust, dedication, and honesty.
Therefore, to celebrate a year of unsuccessful blogging, I present to you a look back at the five stupidest posts from that year and a fun, old picture or photoshop to accompany. These photoshop/picture/blog post combos will likely have no relation to each other and probably will make little-to-no sense alone or together.
5. Fun with Stizzles
I had a trial version of Baseball Reference's play index and no idea what to do with it. I decided to scour the index looking for fun records and stats. And boy did I! This is a great example of why any idiot can have a blog and fill it with "content." Also, here's a picture of Bobby Bonilla ice cream, because I had a cousin who called him Bobby Banilla instead of Bobby Bonilla.
4. Gardy-Hicks Speculation Sentral
Remember when Aaron Hicks and Ron Gardenhire had their public spat in the dugout? Nope, neither do I. But, at the time, it was a HUGE deal. However, we could only really speculate on what was being said. I presented six scenarios of my own, from my own ability to read lips and conjecture. To accompany, here is a photoshop of Joe Mauer without sideburns.
3. A Championship the Twins can win.
This was one of the ideas that lead me to create this blog. I thought it would be funny if nine sets of Twins faced off against nine giants in a battle of literal baseball supremacy. Instead, I wrote well over 2500 words about all the different teams' nicknames and what would happen if they faced off for a season. It's long, but there are two or three solid jokes hidden in there. For something shorter, here's a picture of Trevor Plouffe from Spring Training when he was battling a sore calf.
2. Inside a Target Field Promotions Meeting: A Screenplay
To date, this is still my only screenplay. It came from my idea to create Joe Flower, a Joe Mauer-flower that you could give to your friends when they are feeling down. Somehow, that lead to this crazy screenplay with five executives determining the giveaways for the coming season. Lots of the players involved aren't on the team anymore, so that's fun! To go with my only screenplay, I present to you my only web comic, from my very brief days (hour) as a cartoonist.
1. A Career of Baseball Memories Remembered
Some ideas are simple: Alfredo Griffin played for the Dodgers and Alf is in his name. Ergo, photoshop Alf's head on some baseball cards and create a corny career retrospective. It's easily the dumbest thing I've ever written and that says a lot if you have made it through this whole countdown or if you have somehow been reading this blog for the past year. Regardless, it is poignant and that is I all I ever really wanted when I started writing about the Twins a year ago. To celebrate the end of this self-adulating exercise, here are the Fox Sports Waynes dancing it up. You can't celebrate this blog without Gary Wayne and his fabulous 1991 Score pitch face.
Thank you very much to anyone who has read this blog in the past year. I have really enjoyed writing about the Twins and just about everything else that pops into my head in the middle of the night. I have appreciated the kind comments and messages as well. If I ever think that I might be done writing, someone says something far too kind and it makes me want to write more. It's been a fun year, and I appreciate any and all support that I have received.
Oh, and a very special thanks to Byron Buxton, Miguel Sano, Andrew Albers, Delmon Young and Baseball Reference for being more popular than I am and bringing me tons of readers.