Friday, July 12, 2013

Can birds play baseball?

Birds can't play baseball, right?  I mean, we have the Blue Jays, Orioles and Cardinals, but those are actual human beings who play baseball with bird nicknames on their clothes.  But, the original question remains - birds can't play baseball, right?  Well, not so fast.  I've gone ahead and assembled a team of birds who I think could play a bit of baseball if given then chance.  I even kept the team to just current, former and future Minnesota Twins.  Not bad!

Let's take a look at the team:

Catcher - Oswowldo Arcia

When I put a bird behind the plate, I want a strong, calm bird with wisdom to handle my pitching staff.  No bird would be calmer and more content than a wise owl.

First Base - Heron Mastroianni

This bird can stretch for a throw from his infielders and provides surprising power at the plate.  Plus, his long beak as to be an advantage in some way.

Second Base - Chip Quail

Small and scrappy, but this bird also has that cool antennae thing that would help him track the ball off the bat.  Plus, his stout body provides a little pop.  Also, very colorful, so this could be the post-game interview bird.

Third Base - Migull Sano

Cool and calm.  This bird is the cornerstone of the team and is comfortable on land and water.  This will be helpful as this bird team could play home games on the sea.

Shortstop - Denny Hawking

When I think of a shortstop, I think of a hawk.  This bird can go get it.  When the ball is hit in play, he's going to swoop in and attack it.  He plays the ball, not the other way around.  Plus, frosted feathers.

Left and Right Field - Wren Revere and Aawren Hicks

I like a lot of range on the corners.  These little guys provide that range.  Plus, being kin, they would be able to read each other and make some cool plays in the field and on the base paths.

Center Field - Byron Duckston

The Franchise!  Everyone knows that the duck is the Cadillac of birds.  Ducks are cool, they quack, and they can bite if you get too close.  Plus, they strut around like they own the place.  This duck will be patrolling center field for my team for years to come.

Bench - Denny Hockingbird

A bit of a cheat, but having two birds with frosted feathers is going to make the team stronger.  The mockingbird is small, but versatile.  Hopefully, when my team of birds wins a championship, no one steps on his wing.

Starting Pitchers - Nick Blackbird and Vance Warbler

I like a bit of guile in my starters.  I want someone who can go the distance and who won't go away.  There are literally blackbirds everywhere, so you know they will go the distance in any given game.  Warblers are always chatting, keeping their fielders on their toes and keeping them in the know.

Ok, I get it, this is definitely the weakness of the team.  We'll be looking for free agent bird starting pitchers in the off-season.  It will be a priority.

Closer - Jesse Crane

An imposing figure on the mound, the crane can get great leverage with its long neck and powerful body.  In addition, the crane is known for how well it holds runners, as it can stand still for hours, waiting for the runner to go back to the base.

Rival - Torii Hunter

A bird's worst enemy.

That's my team.  What do you think?  If nothing else, I think have proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that birds can play baseball.

You can check the stats for the actual players by clicking their names below.  Rest assured, these players in their bird forms would have unique advantages over current players.  Ignore the fact that their size and lack of arms would be a complete disadvantage and focus on their ability to fly and swoop.  In addition, a pack of birds can look imposing when they fly around all crazy like.  Beaks can be sharp too.  If you have any players to suggest for a future team, please let me know in the comments.

C - Oswaldo Arcia
1B - Darin Mastroianni
2B - Chip Hale
3B - Miguel Sano
SS - Denny Hocking
LF - Ben Revere
CF - Byron Buxton
RF - Aaron Hicks
Bench - Denny Hocking
SP - Nick Blackburn
SP - Vance Worley
Closer - Jesse Crain

Also, birds have hollow bones.  Think about that.

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