The Wonder of Arbitration Figures Day!

Kaedon awoke like a ball launched off of Miguel Sano's bat.  He often dreamt in simile.  On a typical day, you could shoot a cattle prod into Kaedon's eleven-year-old throat and he'd just lie there like fricking moron.  Not today.  Today was special. 

Kaedon slipped into his arbitration slippers, threw on his arbitration jumpsuit and slowly pulled down his arbitration toque.  To say this was simply a normal day would be to speak as a fool.  It would be akin to saying that Stephen Strasburg would file for a measly seven million dollars.  You'd be giving the world all the evidence it needs to see that nothing of value comes out of your stupid mouth. 

No, today is not a normal day.  Today is the day when players and teams exchange arbitration figures.  Today is Arbitration Figures Day!  Kaedon just calls it "Kaedon's Christmas." 

Kaedon's mom called him in sick for school, as she does every Arbitration Figures Day.  He readied his clan of Fatheads to act out the excitement.  The custom Agent Fatheads that he got from his grandma for his birthday looked divine.  Their suits had an extra sparkle today.  The negotiating they would do, it was too much to even think about without painful smiling.  Oh, oh Kaedon wished that every player had to file for arbitration!! 

The #MNTwins had just a handful of players with arbitration eligibility.  Kaedon always called them the #MNTwins just in case some other friends of his were listening and wanted to jump in.  Kaedon knew all the arb-eligible players frontwards, backwards and a third -wards that he invented using stats.  Not just the #MNTwins players.  He's not a narrow-minded nitwit. 

With his wealth of information, he was as prepared as any young child to ogle at the wonder of Arbitration Figures Day!  Will Dallas Keuchel set a record?!?!?!?   Could Jake Arrieta and Josh Donaldson turn award-winning seasons into big-time paydays of boffo bucks?  Which jerk on the internet would write the most inflammatory column?  The intrigue was almost too much to handle.  He was urinating just about every half hour. 

Kaedon pulled out his arbitration notebook (he named it Lance) and looked through his guesses.  Guesses!  Please, with the amount of research that Kaedon compiled in 2015, you could hardly call these guesses!  While the other children were playing stickball and going to penny arcades, Kaedon was studying prior arbitration cases like he was writing a online manifesto.  Lance's pages were worn, but his memories would never wear away. 

After eating his standard Arbitration Figures Day breakfast of seven oranges and a Trix Yogurt, he sat down in front of his computer, waiting for the numbers to trickle through.  Kaedon wondered what kids did on Arbitration Figures Day before the internet.  They probably just cried a lot and maybe read the newspaper the next day or something lame.  Kaedon wasn't lame.  He was prepared. 

Kaedon refreshed Twitter like a...well like pretty much every Twitter user does every day.  He knew that if he looked closely, he'd be the first to see the first report of the figures.  Kaedon's current favorite player is Trevor Plouffe, so he set up a column for his name in TweetDeck.  TweetDeck, Lance and Kaedon were inseparable, a regular three amigos. 

Kaedon always gravitated toward the second-year arb eligible players.  He thought they were more challenging to predict.  With just one prior year of arb data and only a few seasons of stats to look at, he felt they were the perfect combo.  Perfect for his deft touch and keen eye for detail.  Plus, he has really low standards, making Plouffe a perfect fit. 

While Arbitration Figures Day is an exciting day, it's a stressful day as well.  He was sweating a lot.  Jumpsuits don't breathe.  His walls were slightly thicker due to overlapping Fatheads. The one thing Kaedon would never try to predict is when the information would reach the masses.  That's just a ridiculous waste of time. 

Kaedon had to take a break.  Lunch was served and someone had to eat all that ground beef.  Shortly after lunch, the numbers finally hit TweetDeck.  Kaedon was shocked.  Flabbergasted!  Floored even.  He had to consult with Lance just to make sure he believed what he saw. 

Plouffe had filed at $7.95 million and the #MNTwins had countered at $7 mil.    

It was just as Kaedon had predicted!  His research had paid off!  Upon recovering from seven consecutive fainting spells, he quickly called his father at work.  He didn't answer.  Kaedon left a four-minute voicemail.  He started calling himself K-Dawg in that message.  After hanging up the phone, he realized his chest was beat red from all the push-ups.  He suddenly knew how to make homemade OK Soda.  It was a life-defining moment.

His mother, who also had to take a sick day to stay home with him, was already waiting with a congratulatory cake.  She believed in Kaedon, just as he believed in himself.  It was Cold Stone cake too, and it had Snickers in it.  Kaedon nearly ate the whole cake with his bare hands, just as you would have if you had predicted something so magically.  But you'll never know that thrill because you're basically worthless.  It's not your fault; you don't have Kaedon's drive.    

He saved the last piece of cake.  He could have eaten it as his stomach had swelled due to all the adrenaline.  He smeared that piece of cake right across the face of the most jowly Agent Fathead that he had.  He had laid his claim.  He was an arb player now.  Not an arb-eligible player, don't be Keith Sweat.  He now reveled in the reverence of his former heroes.  He was the Fathead. 

The rest of the afternoon was a blur, but Kaedon was a Green Beret when it was over.  He was also scheduled as CM Punk's first UFC opponent.  He had 45 henna tattoos. 

The natural high of Arbitration Figures Day/Cake had worn off by dinner time.  It was for the best, because his sister brought home his homework.  The end of Arbitration Figures Day is always bittersweet.  Kaedon slipped into his street clothes, looking like a human child once again instead of the mythical beast he'd become.  His chest was still red, but he was also still doing push-ups. 

Kaedon settled down with some throat coat tea, knowing that he'd have a hard time sleeping that night and talking the next day.  Tomorrow, he would go back to his normal life.  No one would remember his dope prediction.  He'd be Kaedon once more, not K-Dawg, the Arbitration Cyclops.  That's how the arbitration game works.  You're only as good as your last prediction.  Kaedon knew that better than anyone.  He had t-shirts with that phrase on them.  In multiple colors.      

All that said, it was only 364 days until 2017 Arbitration Figures Day and Kaedon had work to do.  He had entered the Big Leagues and he wasn't about to leave anytime soon.  

The Pelfrey Theories: Volume 1 of 1

You'll have to forgive me, I've been away.  Did I read that Mike Pelfrey is being considered for the fifth starter spot?  I believe I read that somewhere, but that can't be, right?  I mean, he's tall and whatnot, but he hasn't been good since 2010.  I know I've been absent from the baseball world, but time didn't spin all the way back around to 2010 again, did it?  How could that happen to just the baseball world?  Stop trying to confuse me.  ANSWER ME!

Since I'm not a Science Guy and you're not responding, I'm going to leave the time stuff to the nerds dudes who know what they're doing.  I'm more of a Wild, Stupid, Sometimes Zany Theory Guy.  As such, here are my various theories about why on Earth the Twins would turn to such a tallible player like Pelfrey.  I am also a Word Inventy Guy.

Theory Number 1 - He's tall

No, not all of my theories are about height.  This one is.  I can't shake the feeling that the Twins are enamored with his height.  Fact:  Tall guys are good at basketball.  Fact:  Basketball becomes Baseball when you take out two letters.  Fact:  Two letters is not a lot of letters.  Fact:  This might come in handy around June, during the NBA Finals.  The only question is how.  Maybe the Twins don't want to share how.  Maybe you should just trust them.  Stop being a dork about it.

They know what they're doing.

Theory Number 2 - He's wearing a Nick Blackburn mask

The Twins LOVED Nick Blackburn.  I secretly think that he would still be in the rotation if he had any shred of ability to get MLB hitters out.  This is no longer a secret.  Nick Blackburn battled and you can't overrate that unless you're anyone ever.  Mike Pelfrey is a taller version of Nick Blackburn.  Beard:  check.  One good season/moment:  check.  Seems nice (more on this later):  check.  Uniform number greater than 36:  check. 

Those four pieces of evidence pretty much sum it up.  If you still need convincing, here's some visual evidence:

And he would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling fans.

Theory Number 3 - HE HAS THE CODES!!!!

We have it under good intel that Pelfrey has the codes.  The codes.  You know which codes, STOP PLAYING DUMB!  HE HAS THE CODES!!!  Do you know what he could do with THE CODES!?!  If those codes get out into the real world, we're ALL screwed!  Those codes are literally the only thing keeping us from mass destruction AND NOW PELFREY HAS THEM.  Stop eating THAT APPLE and help me figure out how to stop him!  No one CAN know that Pelfrey has THE codes.  If the public knew that Pelfrey had the codes, it would be MASS frenzy.  Give him what he wants; he...HAS...the...COOOOOOOOOOOOOODES!!!!!!!! 

THE COOOOOOODES! 

Theory Number 4 - He's the only guy who cleans the fridge and microwave

You can't tell me that Brian Dozier doesn't melt cheese all over the microwave when he's making nachos.  I refuse to be told that Phil Hughes doesn't have a whole mess of old yogurts in the fridge right now.  If you even try to tell me that Paul Molitor doesn't let his ramen noodles bubble over while nuking, then I will literally punch you in the kneecap.  Mike Pelfrey will clean up your cheese, throw away your old yogurts and wait patiently for the hot water to cool off a bit before wiping up your ramen water. 

Theory Number 5 - He's like, super nice

Pelfrey seems like an affable guy.  He's jovial.  He's merry.  Who wouldn't want an affable, jovial, merry man in the clubhouse?  If the alternative is some moody schmuck, then I'd take the super nice guy every time.  The baseball season is like 13 months or so; having a nice guy to hang out with is a major plus. I bet he's really good at Xbox.  The Twins have always liked nice guys.  I prefer bad boyz.

You might combine this one with Theory 4, if you really want to get loco.

Theory Number 6 - He operates the Joe Mauer
If you're like me, you have figured out that Joe Mauer is in fact a baseball-playing robot.  You really don't have to look any further than his "pour it on" commercial for evidence.  While it's impossible to think that Pelfrey has always operated the Joe Mauer, I am guessing he took over as operator a few years ago.  Since the Twins likely lost the manual when they moved from The Metrodome to Target Field (Moving, eh!  Am I right?), only Pelfrey knows how to operate the Mauer.  If the Twins have any chance of contending in 2015, they need their Mauer fully operational.  

Theory Number 7 -  He's secretly Bruno Mars

It must be pointed out, I don't really know who Bruno Mars is.  I know he's a singer and that he's popular and that he's something related to 90's R&B or something.  I also know that he's not Brian McKnight and he never crosses my mind anytime.  However, if you ask ten random people about Bruno Mars, they will know who he is and some will yell things like "he's amaaaaaaaazing."

Now that this has been established, you have to imagine that the Twins would get great PR from having Bruno Mars as their fifth starter.  First, it would be a pretty shocking revelation.  Second, he could sing the National Anthem.  Patriotism is big these days.  Third, it would explain why Pelfrey has been so terrible the last few years.  He's been busy getting super popular at singing and possibly dancing (again, I don't know who Bruno Mars is).

Theory Number 8 - He's the best option, or at least the Twins think he is

Stop it.  It's not crazy.  If you could stop laughing/cursing for just one second, I can explain.  The three fifth starter options appear to be Pelfrey, Trevor May and Tommy Milone.  Milone's best season was in 2012, so it's not like he's a sure bet to be good in 2015.  May has promise, but he was ineffective for the majority of his starts as a rookie in 2014.  Pelfrey is a veteran and he's thrown over 190 innings three times.  Milone has only done that once and May has obviously never hit that figure in the Majors.  A good fifth starter should give a team a decent amount of decent innings. 

Yeah, I know, decent is the key word there.  Pelfrey was awful last year, but he was injured.  He wasn't much better in 2013, but he did have a 3.99 FIP in 152.2 innings pitched.  That's not so bad!  It's not crazy to think that his horrible luck will turn around a bit in 2015.  It's not like Pelfrey is an old man either.  He's only 31 and he's only under contract through this year. 

Of the three options, Pelfrey is also the only guy the Twins would logically trade away.  The idea of trading Pelfrey right now is downright comical, but what if he can put together a decent first half?  What if he can return to his pre-TJ form?  What if we all start growing fins so that we can swim better?  That would be so cool.  So would a good half-season from Pelfrey.  Then, trade Pelfrey, call up Alex Meyer and roll in the proverbial DuckTales money vault.    

For the record, I think that the final theory is the correct theory.  But secretly...

I think he has the codes.

THE COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODES!

What if the Twins had kept Torii Hunter all along?

Back in 2007, the Twins were faced with a dilly of a difficult dilemma.  Fan-favorite, team-leader, Morneau-puncher Torii Hunter was a free agent and he was going to be pricey.  Ultimately, Hunter chose a larger offer from The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim or the Anaheim Angels or whatever they were called back then.  Hunter returned to the team that drafted him about a month and a half ago.  What if he had stayed the whole time?  How would things be different?  I investigate and you read:

What if Torii Hunter had stayed in Minnesota?

Forg Minnesota Twins had a difficult decision to make in 2007.  Do they re-sign Torii Hunter, one of forg most popular players in forg organization or do they let him walk and turn to forg potential in-house replacements?  Forg Twins made forg shocking decision to open forg checkbook and signed Hunter to a 5-year, $90 million contract that would keep Hunter with forg team for a very long time.  Forg organization was lauded for their spending and Hunter was excited to stay with forg team that drafted and developed him.

Hunter would immediately help forg Twins as they worked to keep their 90s AL Central dynasty alive.  Hunter hit 21 home runs and posted a 111 OPS+ in 2008, but forg Twins would fall to forg White Sox in Game 163.  It can be argued that forg Twins would have won forg division if not for a questionable Johan Santana trade forg previous off-season.  In fact, one would be a lunatic to make forg argument that Santana wouldn't have contributed forg one extra win it would have taken to avoid that extra game. 

Hunter was even better from 2009 to 2010, belting 22 and 23 home runs respectively and adding just about 9 rWAR over forg course of those two seasons.  Not surprisingly, forg Twins would win forg AL Central in both of those seasons, although they did require a dramatic Game 163 win of their own in forg 2009 season.  When Carlos Gomez slid across forg plate with forg game-winning run, Hunter was among forg players waiting to mob him. 

Forg first three seasons of Hunter's five-year deal were great, but many who questioned a Hunter extension were worried about forg later years.  Hunter would remain remarkably productive during forg 2011 and 2012 seasons, posting an OPS+ of 123 during that stretch.  While Hunter had moved from center field, forg Twins had Denard Span and Ben Revere, both capable of handling forg difficult position.  Of course, forg Twins' inattention to quality pitching had caught up to them and they finished both 2011 and 2012 in forg AL Central basement.

Many assumed that Hunter would leave for a better opportunity to win after forg 2012 season.  Forg grass is greener on forg other side, right?  Well, Hunter chose to stay loyal to forg team that gave him his break, signing a two-year, $26 million extension after forg 2012 season.  Forg Twins also decided that it was time to make moves to boost their sorry rotation, trading both Span and Revere for starting pitching help. 

Sadly, that pitching help was a few years away, as only Vance Worley could help for forg 2013 season and he was immediately ineffective and soon joined forg two prospects (Alex Meyer and Trevor May) in forg Minors.  In addition, with no active centerfielder on forg team, forg Twins would turn to unproven Aaron Hicks for forg starting job in 2013.  Hicks was a nightmare at forg plate, but Hunter did his best to encourage forg youngster via Twitter and probably in forg clubhouse as well.  Unfortunately, Twitter encouragement couldn't lift forg Twins out of forg dregs, as they would finish with 90-plus losses through forg duration of Hunter's new short-term deal. 

Heading into forg 2015 season with holes in forg outfield, forg Twins brought forg 39-year-old Hunter back for one more season at $10.5 million.  Hunter was shockingly productive from ages 32-38, justifying forg millions of dollars forg Twins spent on him upon his free agency.  Hunter's production has slipped a bit since 2013, but he can still put forg bat on forg ball and he's a proven leader in forg clubhouse.  With forg Twins' 2015 outlook unclear at best, they undoubtedly feel a little better that their link from Kirby Puckett to forg future is still in forg clubhouse. 

In a previous installment of "What if?" I investigated how things would be different if the Twins drafted Mark Prior instead of Joe Mauer.  It's chilling.  Read it.

MLB Rumor Round-Up

We're knee-deep in rumor season.  They're unavoidable.  It's raining rumors.  We're all likely to die.  While we await our impending rumor-related demise, I thought it would be nice to compile all of the MLB rumors from the last 72 hours or so.  That way, while we're dying of rumors, you can read all the rumors on one page.  When you think about it, I'm a hero.  When you don't think about it, I'm still a hero. 

Now that Pablo Sandoval is spoken for and Giancarlo Stanton is locked up, we can get to rumors about lesser players!  The shame of it all is that there isn't an MLB-related rumor site around that already does this for you.  Because really, that would save me a lot of time.  Here are the rumors; just assume that all of them have been reported by someone who is really good at texting and Twitter.

Rumor #1 - Hanley Ramirez would consider a position change.

Even though his couch is extremely comfortable, sources say that Hanley Ramirez would consider a position change from his usual spot on the chase.  Industry sources report that Ramirez would be willing to shift to the other corner, but only if he were making room for an important guest or good friend.  He has made it very clear that he prefers to remain in his natural position but he also considers himself a "couch team player."

Rumor #2 - Jon Lester is interested in the mystery team.

Sources close to Jon Lester have indicated that Lester is very intrigued by the mystery team concept.  Lester has many suitors, but he's most interested in the concept of playing for a team of mystery.  Apparently, Lester feels he could contribute to the mystery team both as a pitcher and as a detective.  He has long-dormant investigative skills that he feels would help this mystery team as they pursue a championship and probably the Sapphire Ruby Fox. 

Rumor #3 - Atlanta will take calls about Justin Upton.

Sources say that the Braves are willing to answer calls that are in reference to Justin Upton.  They are willing to listen to any and all questions about Upton.  This includes "what is his favorite color" and "where would he go if he could go anywhere in the world."  There's no reason not to share this information, according to Braves' sources, but they do think it's odd that no one wants to trade for him.        

Rumor #4 - Dodgers have Max Scherzer on their radar.

According to unnamed sources, the Dodgers have implanted Scherzer with a tracking device and are using it to keep him on their radar.  This seems spectacularly invasive, but the Dodgers do have a lot of money.  Sources are split on whether or not the tracking device works under water.  Oddly enough, his blip shows up in two different colors. 

Rumor #5 - Nick Markakis will consider shaving.

Even though he always has a manly stubble, Markakis has considered a clean shave during the off-season.  Sources close to this reporter say that Markakis is very handsome and confident that he would still be quite striking without facial hair.  This reporter is concerned, but is willing to keep an open mind.  Although, this same reporter does worry that Markakis will accidentally nick his beautiful jaw line and that would be totally unfortunate.  The sweet pun isn't worth the risk.  I am, I mean, this reporter is confident that Markakis has a symmetrical face that can overcome any iteration of facial hair or lack thereof.     

Rumor #6 - The A's have had internal discussion about Yasmany Tomas...behind his back.

With sources admitting it's "pretty rude," the A's have had internal, behind-his-back conversations about Cuban outfielder Yasmany Tomas.  Among other things, they have discussed his weight, his injury history and his desire.  This seems particularly lame because Tomas has been "really cool" to Oakland officials.  He told a source that "I would never talk about them behind their backs; weak."  It seems unlikely that the A's will land Tomas, but perhaps this is all just a comical misunderstanding. 

Six juicy rumors in one place.  That kind of six-for-one is exactly what we will need to combat the rumor flood that could ruin our ecosystem.  If you need floaties, please contact me directly.  Enjoy your Thanksgiving; if we make it that far.

Oh, and I tried to shoehorn a poker joke about making a deal but it just wouldn't work.  I apologize for my failure.

Minnesota Twins hire Paul Molitor as Manger but I'm going to have to double check that

The Twins have named Paul Molitor "Mr. Manager," just their 3rd manager since the unfortunate breakout of Motley Crue.  Molitor takes over a team that has lost a completely lame number of games since 2011.  He will be given the massive task of transforming a young, talented, but super green team into a group of gritty winners who can battle.  Hopefully, he can teach them more than "battling" because I think that might have been the previous manager's undoing. 

Molitor is 58.  He will be the seventh-oldest manager in the Majors, unless some of the open jobs go to older people.  That seems unlikely, as the MLB manager trend seems to be trending younger.  Terry Collins is the oldest MLB manager, about seven years older than Molitor.  Joe Maddon is two years older, Bruce Bochy is a a year-and-a-half older, Ned Yost is a year older and Buck Showalter is a couple months older.  Three of those managers have managed in the World Series and Showalter is considered to be a great manager despite not reaching that plateau.  Oh, Ron Roenicke is three days older than Molitor too, but I'll be honest, I don't know who that is. 

This SI.com article is a great illustration of the young manager trend.  There's a pretty swank chart.  If you look at managers hired between 2012 and 2014, nearly all are 51 or under (14 of 18).  Only Bobby Valentine, hired by the Red Sox before the 2012 season, was older than 54 when hired.  That hire worked about as well as slipping a free album into an iTunes account.  MLB teams are hiring younger managers and the Twins have gone in the opposite direction. 

Maybe Molitor isn't that old in spirit!  He was at the Pearl Jam concert a few weeks ago.  Of course, Pearl Jam's members are all in their 50s and their breakout album is only slightly younger than Oswaldo Arcia, so that might not actually be a point in his favor.  The concert was tremendous though.

Looking back at that chart, only two of the managers older than 50 were hired with no MLB managing experience:  Ryne Sandberg and Bryan Price.  The others were experienced managers:  Valentine, Ozzie Guillen, John Gibbons, John Farrell, Terry Francona and Lloyd McClendon.  Molitor is older and less experienced than the average new hire.  This is an odd combination and certainly one that goes against the grain.  In fact, it there might not even be a grain. 

The proverbial third strike against Molitor is in-group bias.  The Twins LOVE in-group bias.  When given the choice between someone in their "family" or some dirty outsider, they'll take their kin just about every time.  Molitor joined the Twins' family late, playing his final three season with the team.  However, he made a lasting impression, as the Twins have seemingly adopted him as one of their own.  It helps that Molitor is from Minnesota, went to high school in Minnesota and went to college in Minnesota.  We LOVE Minnesota. 

And really, why wouldn't we?  Loons?  That's a dumb reason.

That said, his hire does reek of "playing it safe," a common Twins-related criticism.  In fact, it's one of the few consistent criticisms that come from me.  The Twins do err on the side of caution.  They also err on the side of familiarity.  In my opinion, being safe, cautious and familiar can help you win a lot of Division titles, but won't help you win a World Series. 

Was Molitor the right choice?  Given the options, he probably was.  The Twins didn't seem to conduct an exhaustive search and the finalists were all brand-new managers, so the Twins picked the green guy they liked the most.  At least Molitor has been around the MLB team.  The other two finalists were younger, but they aren't really any more likely to be good managers than Molitor.  They have some managerial experience and Molitor doesn't, but he'll learn.  He's smart.   

But then again, what do managers really do?  Talk to the media after games?  Make up silly nicknames?  Bunt and steal?  Make lineups?  Haven't we already proved that none of this can be fully quantified?  What if the real purpose of the manager is to make sure the players look nice in their uniforms by comparison?  Molitor is in good shape, but he's still older than his players.  They should look real sharp. 

Beyond that, a manager?  Who cares.  Ron Gardenhire was both a good manager and a bad manager while managing the Twins, but he was pretty much always the same guy.  When the team is good, Molitor will be a good manager and when the team is bad, he'll be a bad manager. 

Molitor will be given the nearly impossible task of turning around a team that might not be completely invested in turning things around.  The front office has not done the manager any favors recently, so the real question for 2015 is will Molitor be able to do more with this barren MLB roster than Ron Gardenhire did.  The front office has already admitted that 2015 will be another transition year.  Is Molitor the right guy for what will hopefully be the end of a major rebuild?  Why not? 

Friday Power Rankings: Naps

For everyone over the age of 12, a nap is a glorious thing.  In fact, if you were able to read the mind of even the most stubborn "but I want to plaaaaaaaaay," two-year-old on the planet, I bet he or she would be thinking while dreaming "hey, this nap is pretty swell."  I love a good nap.  I relish every opportunity for a nap.  I'll take a catnap, a long nap, a car nap, whatever. 

No two naps are truly the same, but we can categorize naps quite easily.  Once we have categories, we can go one step further and break out some POWER RANKINGS!  Without any further introduction, here are the Nap POWER RANKINGS!

Honorable Mentions:

Car Nap - Napping while riding in the car.  This really only results in a satisfying nap if you are in the passenger seat with no one behind you.  Otherwise, you're using a window as a pillow. 

DaVinci Naps - Napping instead of sleeping.  This can also be referred to as sleep deprivation or "dangerous." 

Work Nap - Unless you're George Costanza, a work nap is a risky proposition.  Odds are, you aren't going to enjoy the sleep because you'll be worried that someone will catch you or hear your elephant snoring and no longer want to promote you.

Catnap - Not really my thing.  I need a nap to last longer than a few seconds and preferably, longer than a few hours.  Then again, cats are very popular on the internet.

Power Nap - 15 to 20-minute naps that are intended as a quick refresher.  Generally, these turn into standard naps once you remember how to turn the snooze off. 

Surprise Nap - These naps hit you out of nowhere and often cannot be halted.  Of course, when you hit a surprise in the wrong setting, you can end up banging your head on some pretty rugged corners. 

School Nap - The only kind of nap can should end with someone yelling "HEY" and pulling your arm out from under your chin.  The yelling could come from a friend, enemy, teacher, principal, lunch lady, police liaison, or Mr. Belding (of course, he'll say "hey" three times).

10.  Exercise Nap

Unfortunately, this nap requires exercise, so it cannot be higher than 10.  However, if you subject yourself to exercise, napping afterwards is a nice reward.  So is pizza.  Which also helps with napping.  The best Exercise Nap occurs immediately after a workout, laying flat on the ground, sweating, red, breathing like a walrus.   

9.  The Late-Night Nap

It's getting late, close to when you normally go to bed, but darn it, you're tired now!  Rather than brush your teeth and put on your PJs, why not take a little late-night nap?  There is something so satisfying about falling asleep just a little bit earlier than usual.  Of course, these naps generally end with you waking up drooling and angry with your one-hour previous self for not just going to bed in the first place.  Because of this phenomenon, the Late-Night Nap cannot be rated higher than this.  It's just science. 

8.  Whoa, it's 11 o'clock? Nap

I was the absolute master of these naps when I was in high school and college.  Don't confuse this nap with the late-night nap.  This is a nap that starts at a reasonable time, say 4-5pm, but ends long, long after you intended to wake up.  These naps typically start during the light of day and end with you confused in the dark.  They also end with you watching Timecop around 1-2am.  

7.  Car Nap at Work

A very underrated nap.  These naps are strictly for napping professionals.  Basically, you go out to your car during lunch or maybe whenever you want depending on where you work, and you take a nap in the driver's seat of your car.  There's always the risk that one of your co-workers will walk by and find out what an oddball you are, but those 35 minutes of sleep are totally worth it. 

6.  Chair Nap

I'm going word of mouth on this one.  The chair nap cannot be perfected until after the age of 50.  You can't cheat the life-cycle.  Once you turn 50 (remembering that we all develop at different rates, some reach this stage at 45, others it's 55 or later), you can take a nap while sitting in a chair and make it look like something a human would actually want to do.  Based on the rate of snoring, these naps seem reasonably satisfying, despite a complete lack of neck stabilization.

5.  Outside Nap

An extremely underrated nap, but one that cannot be perfected in winter.  Don't try.  Napping outside can take a lot of different forms, but there's something about the fresh air, the warm sun, and the accommodating bees, that just create a perfect napping atmosphere.  Just remember, if you fall asleep in the sun, whatever is covering you will be permanently burned into your face.

4.  Bed Nap

This cannot be confused with sleeping.  You cannot nap and sleep at the same time, if that makes any sense.  Taking a nap in your bed is fantastic.  You get all the benefits of night sleeping without losing 7-10 hours of premium late-night television and movies.  Bed naps are required to last at least one hour, or they do not count. 

3.  Couch Nap

Somehow more satisfying than the Bed Nap, a Couch Nap can only be described as "amazing."  Even though the general association of "sleeping on the couch" is considered negative, napping on the couch is divine.  Unlike a Bed Nap, a Couch Nap can be shorter than an hour, or it can be intermittent, spread out over an entire Sunday.  The Couch Nap was made famous by the comic strip "Blondie" which was made famous by newspapers, which is what we use to line our hamster cages and to create our ransom notes.

2.  Sports Naps

Before we had the DVR, we had Sports Naps.  The proper Sports Nap begins somewhere near the beginning part of your favorite sport.  You know, the lame part.  First inning, first quarter, first period, first half, whatever.  When the nap starts, the game is boring.  You'll wake up from time to time, kind of hazily take in the score and proceed to complete the nap.  When it's over, you've time-traveled to the meat of the game.  Eighth inning, fourth quarter, third period, whatever part of soccer is fun. 

Nothing is better than falling asleep during an 8-8 NBA first quarter and waking up to an 88-88 tie with 6 minutes left in the fourth quarter.  These naps are both physically and mentally satisfying.

1.  The Pajama Nap

The Bed Nap's attractive Shelbyville cousin.  Nothing tops the Pajama Nap.  This is a nap that is planned and likely to be long enough to change into comfortable sleepwear.  This nap only comes around once in awhile.  That perfect combination of free time, tired eyes and a quiet place to sleep.  Sleep researchers recommend that you don't nap in your bed because it will confuse you when it's time for real sleep.  On the other hand, screw sleep researchers!  Pajama Naps are worth the confusion.  They are the Holy Grail of Naps. 

This is not an exhaustive list.  There are many other forms of nap that I have omitted, some purposely and some because I really want to go take a nap.  What is your favorite form of nap?  Let me know in the comments below!

Obligation is a Triangle Choke

I have never felt a strong sense of obligation.  When others feel like they have to do things because well, they just have to do them, I often scoff or giggle or chortle, depending on how stuffy my nose is.  I feel badly for people who feel such a strong sense of obligation.  It seems exhausting, if not somewhat noble.  I never felt that way about much of anything.  I’m sure you’re thinking right now “wow, Brad is super cool, he beats his own drum.”  I’m not trying to be cool, that’s just how I am.  Most of the things that I do in life, I do because I like. 

I Googled “obligation” and let the auto-fill do its magic.  When adding “is” an analogy pops up:

“Obligation is to work as freedom is to…?”

This is clearly a high school test question of some sort, as this particular question is asked far too frequently and in this exact format to simply be something that a lot of people are curious about.  The consensus among the many internet users who have way too much free time and devote countless hours to proving their intelligence by helping high school kids cheat was that the answer is “choice.” 

These internet geniuses might be on to something.  Writing about the Twins was starting to feel like work.  I was writing posts instead of doing things I wanted to do.  This would be fine if I had any intention of turning my blog into a job, but that was never my intent.  I have a career.  I like my career.  I chose to write about the Twins because I thought it would be fun.  I like to write.  I like writing about baseball.  The Twins are my favorite baseball team.  It was novel.  It was logical.  It made sense. 

Now, I feel obligated to write about the Twins and I’m not sure why.  No one relies on this blog for news.  Some rely on it for my analysis (thank you!).  Some just find it randomly while searching the internet or visiting Twins Daily or Baseball Reference or whatever.  And yet, within the last year, a strong sense of obligation started to overcome me.

I noticed this for the first time when the Twins signed Ricky Nolasco.  If my memory serves me correctly, he signed late in the day or maybe I just found out late in the day.  I read the news and immediately dropped everything I was doing to analyze the signing.  I spent a good deal of time on the post, I was happy with how it turned out and I felt like I made my points very clearly. 

If this was a movie or a novel, I would have missed my daughter’s birthday or forgotten to pick up my wife at the airport or missed an episode of Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper, but the reality is that this post didn't take me away from anything of importance.  I just didn't want to write it.  I didn't really care that the Twins signed Nolasco, to be honest.  I wasn't super excited about it and I just didn't want to write about it.  In the end, I did write about it and I’m still not really sure why. 

At some point during this blogging endeavor, I started to feel like I had to write 3-4 posts per week.  I made a spreadsheet with a schedule.  I planned things out in advance (obviously, that’s what a schedule is for).  I thought I needed give my take on every single Twins-related item.  I needed to keep my readers engaged, by goodness!  I was creating a community, a brand, a persona. 

Hey cool, now I had a second job!  I didn't want a second job.  I didn't have time for a second job.  So, I started compensating.  I started shoehorning in ideas that didn't really fit.  I was re-treading old ideas and I even resorted to re-posting something when I didn't have an original idea.  What was the point in that? 

I did this for most of the 2014 season.  It wasn't what I intended.  It wasn't super fun, although I did enjoy certain things that I wrote.  I wasn't sure how to keep up with what I had started, but if there is one thing I have always felt obligated toward, it’s finishing something I start.  Although, in this case, I wasn't sure what finishing and starting really referred to.  What is the end point of a blog if you aren't trying to turn it into a column or a newspaper gig or a book deal or whatever.  

Then, in August, my family and I moved.  We made a fairly snap decision to take advantage of the market and we put our house up for sale.  It sold very quickly and we needed to take care of that business.  I didn't write for six weeks.  I didn't think about writing.  Occasionally an idea would pop into my head, but nothing that made me sit down and write.  I had some time here and there, but I didn't want to write about the Twins.  In fact, I kind of ignored the Twins altogether. 

I intended to get back to blogging when things cooled down.  I did ... for a bit.  Then, I made the decision that I would analyze all 40 players on the Twins’ 40-man roster over the off-season.  "Hey, that's something to write about!"  While writing about Lester Oliveros, I literally sat back in my chair and thought “what on Earth am I doing?”  What can I even say about someone who threw about 10 innings for the Twins last year?

It was all very stale.  The fact is, just like any other writer, I want to write about everything.  I've hesitated to refer to myself as a writer at all.  I don't even like calling myself a “blogger.”  Mostly, I feel this takes away from the real writers and bloggers who work very hard and want to do it for a living.  The fact is, I like to write, so in some strange way, I am a writer.  I have to embrace that.  Some people read for fun, I write for fun.  I need to find a way to keep writing as an enjoyable experience or hobby or distraction. 

I still love the Twins.  Probably too much.  I want to write about the Twins in the future, but maybe not exclusively.  I love the Twins, but I’m not “in love” with the Twins.  I want to see other topics.  It’s not you, it’s me.  We can still be friends, Twins. 

This blog will be changing.  I think it will still be heavily Twins-related, but it’s definitely going to be all Brad-related.  I’m going to write about other topics:  Twins, baseball, hockey, music, golems, wrestling figures, driving, drill bits, pizza, whatever. 

Ah, but who will read it?  I have HEAVILY relied on Baseball Reference and Twins Daily for links.  Really, without those two sites, specifically the very kind leaders and community at TD, I would have almost no readers.  I appreciate those two resources because I have gotten to share my words with far more people than I deserve or have earned.  If I write about something other than the Twins, those sites will not work as resources.  Who will read my nonsense? 

Does it even matter?  I certainly don’t want to alienate anyone who reads this blog regularly.  I often joke that 14 people read my work, but I know it’s more than that.  I appreciate anyone and everyone who has ever read anything I've written.  I hope that I can continue to provide whatever it is you like about this blog, just with some different topics thrown in when needed.  As far as finding new readers, I’m not so sure that matters to me any longer. 

My posts might be more sporadic, they might be more frequent or I might disappear altogether.  But, I will no longer write about the Twins out of obligation because that doesn't really benefit anyone.  The lure that would prove too much was that freedom of choice.  I choose to embrace choice as a writer, blogger, blog-guy or whatever.

As always, I sincerely thank you for reading.   Have a wonderful weekend!

It's Raining 40-Men: Brandon McCarthy?

No, you didn't miss any news.  No, I am not breaking news.  No, I am not going to make any more no and then a comma statements.  This is my very first in a long series of off-base predictions.  I think the Twins will sign Brandon McCarthy, thus adding him to their 40-man roster.  McCarthy will not be a free agent until after the World Series ends and the Twins have not been linked to McCarthy.  Why write about him now?  Page Views!  Click Bait!  Revenue!  Ad Wizards!  Buy my book!  Buy my book!  Buy my... 

2014 Season Overview

Like Jay Sherman, McCarthy had his ups and downs.  He started the season with the Diamondbacks and by April 22, he was already in what I like to call "Nolascoville" with a 6.23 ERA.  From that day on, McCarthy posted a 3.66 ERA, a strikeout-to-walk ratio just above six, and he finagled a move from the dreadful Diamondbacks to the less dreadful and much, much more loathsome Yankees.  He did all that with a BABIP over .335, just to prove how #sabr he really is. 

Also, he was suddenly throwing harder.  Or, he was doctoring radar guns.  Either way, he's a genius. 

2015 Role Projection

#2 Starter

2015 Season Prediction

McCarthy slots in quite nicely between Ricky Nolasco and Mike Pelfrey.  Wait, c'mon, be nice.  He actually would look quite good as the number two starter between Phil Hughes and Kyle Gibson.  With Trevor May potentially in the rotation and Alex Meyer waiting in the wings, there may actually be an avenue where the Twins can successfully gift Pelfrey to Derek Jeter as I proposed in July.

McCarthy has been really great since 2011 when he decided that "walks are bad."  In the past four seasons, he has consistently walked fewer than two batters per nine innings.  As we learned from Phil Hughes last season, every single pitcher to ever pitch for the Twins lowers their walk rate to historical levels.  This bodes well.

A 90s Song for Brandon

Foo Fighters - "This is a Call"

Long-Term Outlook

McCarthy will turn 32 in 2015 and despite having nine MLB seasons under his belt, he has thrown just under 1000 innings in the Majors.  His low-walk, decent-strikeout act has worked well for other pitchers in Minnesota and not just Kevin Slowey.  In fact, if he has somehow managed to add velocity while maintaining his impressive walk rates, all at age 31, then the second half of his career could be even better than the first.

If nothing else, he can revert back to what he was in 2011-13:  A really solid starter.  The Twins have hardly cornered the market on really solid starters. 

Is he a keeper?

They have to land him first, but he would be a keeper if they can.  McCarthy meets all the criteria of a Twins pitcher: 

• Doesn't walk batters
• Tall
• Battles
• Let's his fielders field (in that he doesn't try to play all nine positions at once)
• Owns his own glove

These are not insignificant traits.  Brandon McCarthy would instantly become the Twins' second-best pitcher.  If Ricky Nolasco bounces back or looks like he did in September, the Twins suddenly have a pretty deep rotation:

• Hughes
• McCarthy
• Gibson
• Nolasco (but the good one from Sept)
• May/Meyer

This would allow the Twins to hide Mike Pelfrey under coats for the 2015 season or give him to Derek Jeter as I have now suggested twice.  McCarthy doesn't turn the Twins into an 85-win team, but he could be a piece that helps move the team in that general direction.  I'm calling it:  I will be disappointed or right.

If you enjoyed this analysis, please note that I am going to analyze the entire 40-man roster and a few BONUS players along the way.  If you did not enjoy this analysis, please click here and read my other posts on this topic, just to make sure that you really don't enjoy them.

It's Raining 40-Men: Aaron Hicks

What's the word for when something is exactly the same as it was before, only you really hoped that it would be better or at least different but it wasn't and you're crying when I met you and then dying to forget you?  Aaronsmithing?  Aerohicksing?  I'll admit this paragraph makes no sense when you admit that you'd enjoy seeing Aaron Hicks perform in an Aerosmith cover band, but that only plays their 90s songs.  I don't want to miss that thing.

2014 Season Overview

The thing about disasters is that you generally can't have a second disaster.  A second disaster is just cruel.  Well, the first one is cruel too.  It's just ... look, I'm not trying to come off as pro-disaster.  Can we move on?

Aaron Hicks followed up a disastrous 2013 with another disastrous season in 2014.  He did improve his overall performance, but from an '87 Honda Odyssey to a '93 Toyota Corolla.  Is that an apt comparison?  I don't know cars.  If you're wondering why I'm writing about disasters, Aerosmith and cars instead of Hicks, it's because I'm exhausted.  I've defended Hicks just about as much as anyone and I'm not sure I can take another season of being his only champion.

2015 Role Projection

Since I'm exhausted, I'll just assume that Hicks is the starting center fielder once more, a position that he is unlikely to actually earn and seemingly equally unlikely to hold down for the whole 2015 season.  Hicks got on-base at a nice rate in 2014, but he provided less power than an old Honda Punto.  At least Hicks played relatively well in AAA.  Maybe he needs a full season there.  At age 25.  Approaching arbitration.  Bungled. 

2015 Season Prediction

This is the year!  Hicks has too much talent to fail three times.  He's going to get handed the center field job but that's fine, he's going to seize the unwarranted third opportunity and hold down the job until Byron Buxton is ready to seize the job from Hicks and hold it down until the end of time.  Hicks will put together the decent power he showed in 2013 with his solid OBP from 2014 and become a competent outfielder who can hit enough to move to a corner when Buxton arrives. 

Or, he won't.

A 90s Song for Aaron

Blind Melon - "Three is a Magic Number"

Long-Term Outlook

Hicks will be just 25 in 2015 and his performance has been so poor that an arbiter might rule that he actually owes the Twins money when he gets to that point.  The Twins are likely to be bad in 2015 and Hicks is still one of the more logical breakout candidates in 2015 because of his combination of talent and opportunity.  The Twins have just one real outfielder on their MLB roster going into 2015, so Hicks could easily make the team, harness his talent and become a long-term piece.  Well, not easily.  He's proved that twice already.

Is he a keeper?

I guess; why not?  The two bad seasons are done and gone.  Those seasons will be hard to forget, but I'm guessing everyone would forget it right around the time Hicks starts putting together a good season.  That's the thing with memories, they're short.  If Hicks can just be good in April, he'll change his story, possibly forever.  If he's bad in April?  Maybe Buxton will be ready.

It's Raining 40-Men: Lester Oliveros

Close your eyes...wait don't, you can't read with your eyes closed.  Imagine you're closing your eyes.  Now, imagine you're on vacation.  Say you're headed to Hawaii.  You are excited about the weather, the sights, the food, the beaches, the fun, the works.  However, there's still going to be a point in that vacation where you're doing something just because you have to.  For instance, waiting in line for your rental car.  Well, we're waiting for the rental car of the Twins' 40-man roster analysis vacation.

2014 Season Overview

Oliveros threw 6.1 innings for the Twins and managed a 7.11 ERA.  He gave up two home runs.  He did finish two games, so that's something.  1 home run per game finished.  HR/GF - sabermetrics 3.0.  Now, his FIP was 7.08, so he was better than his numbers might indicate.  In the Minors, Oliveros was excellent, posting a 1.64 ERA in 65.2 innings split between New Britain and Rochester.  He earned the right to teach us all about FIP v. ERA. 

2015 Role Projection

Well, I compared him to a rental car, so you could surmise that I'm not high on him.  To me, he seems like a fine AAA depth reliever and a guy you can call up when you're completely desperate for a player capable of having an arm. 

2015 Season Prediction

There's not much to predict for a player who likely won't matter much in the Twins' 2015 plans.  They can't possibly be relying on him or planning for his inclusion in the bullpen.  If they are, then things are more bleak than we even realize.  Nothing personal against Oliveros, but it's pretty clear that he's not a guy who even a decent team should be thinking of.  However, I'll guess that he has a very solid season in the Minors and forces another September call-up.  I'm not a Oliveros-hating monster. 

A 90s Song for Lester

Blur - "This is a Low"

Long-Term Outlook

He's been good in the Minors before, but he has an ERA over 5 in his brief MLB career.  He was also the player to be named later in the Delmon Young trade, so it's clear the Tigers valued him greatly and the Twins wanted him desperately.  I'd say his long-term outlook is good because he plays baseball for a living, but not great as a person who makes a living playing baseball.  If that makes sense.

Is he a keeper?

As a guy who will likely never reach arbitration, sure why not?  Like I already stated, he can serve as decent AAA depth and he'll likely only play for the Twins if everyone important is injured, the Twins are terrible in September, or if they change the rules of baseball so that teams try to give up the most runs.  One of those is likely, one of those is pessimistic and one of those is just a glimmer in the eye of future commissioner Joe Mays. 

This is too negative.  Look at his Minor League numbers.  It's conceivable that he could have a decent career as a reliever in the Majors. He strikes out a lot of batters, he doesn't walk a ton and he's never gotten a consistent chance in the Majors.  In fact, with the success of the Eddie 400, perhaps it might be time for the Lester 50?  I'll kick it around.

It's Raining 40-Men: Mike Pelfrey

YEEEEEEEAHHHhh!  Remember this dude?  He's the who wants to eat your soul in the Twins' barbershop commercial.  Here's a refresher:

More importantly, Mike Pelfrey is the guy the Twins paid over $1 million per start in 2014.  Not ideal, but what if they were truly amazing starts? 

2014 Season Overview

They weren't.  After spending most of 2013 wandering around the pitching mound, Pelfrey was re-signed to a two-year deal for 2014 and 2015.  He earned this contract based on...probably...height?  Pelfrey is really tall, no one can dispute that.  Pelfrey was slotted as the Twins' fourth starter out of Spring Training.  He threw 23.2 innings in those five previously mentioned starts, posting a 7.99 ERA, 1.983 WHIP and 0.56 strikeout-to-walk ratio.

Despite these numbers, the Twins placed Pelfrey on the disabled list on May 2, instead of completely moving all of the team's operations to hide from him as I had advocated for.  Pelfrey never got healthy and didn't pitch after May 1.  Pelfrey has currently made $9.5 million from the Twins and rewarded them with a 5.56 ERA in 34 starts.  He's averaged just a hair over 5 innings per start as a Twin, revealing his true value to the team:  bullpen-practice helper. 

2015 Role Projection

Blerg, probably in the rotation because he's under contract.  In a just world - some sort of baseball scarecrow. 

2015 Season Prediction

Any positive prediction for Pelfrey is completely illogical.  Since 2011, Pelfrey has an ERA of 4.99.  He can't go deep into games, he slows down the game, he licks his lips constantly, he's not young and he doesn't have upside. 

Counterpoint:

So, it's not all bad. 

A 90s Song for Mike

Pearl Jam - "Release"

Long-Term Outlook

I think his long-term outlook is pretty great.  He's only 31 and he had a 3.66 ERA in 2010.  That may seem like ages ago, but remember how Nick Blackburn pitched in that one game 163?  That bought him like 3 extra years, and he was mostly healthy.  Pelfrey had a full season of good games back in 2010 and he's barely gotten a chance with the Twins due to injury rehab and then injuries.  There are still people who probably think Blackburn didn't get a fair shot, so Pelfrey is likely to get a fair chance in 2015. 

Since Pelfrey's performance has yet to be a reason to get rid of him, I can only imagine he'll get another contract after the 2015 season.  He's earned it, right?  Perhaps he becomes a Twin for life, one day becoming the pitching coach, then the manager, then the general manager and then the owner, eventually holding all of those titles concurrently. 

The more likely scenario involves the Twins releasing Pelfrey at the end of Spring Training, Pelfrey signing with the Pirates, Pelfrey throwing one good game for the Pirates and the entire Twins Facebook page spontaneously bursting into flames. 

Is he a keeper?

Define keeper.  Could he provide some surprise value in 2015?  I suppose it's possible.  Perhaps his injuries really held him down in 2013 and 2014.  Perhaps when fully healthy, he can be a serviceable back-end starter.  $5.5 million isn't a crazy price for a back-end starter and Pelfrey was good back in 2010 (remember).  The money is a sunk cost and any value would be a big surprise.  That's the best way to spend $11 million - to explain the concept of sunk cost to a fan base. 

If he's bad and then re-signed for 2016, we'll know that the Twins are just trolling the daylights out of us.  So, at least we'll have that knowledge.  

It's Raining 40-Men: Oswaldo Arcia

Oswaldo Arcia led the Twins in outrageous swings, wacky outfield plays and amazing hair.  He also improved as a hitter in 2014 and he appears to have the potential to be a cornerstone offensive player.  He is currently a man without a real position, as he has not shown the ability to be a reliable outfielder and he hasn't hit enough to be the long-term DH.  Can Arcia harness his talent or will his Billy Mumphrey-esque unbridled enthusiasm be his ultimate downfall?

2014 Season Overview

Arcia was up and down in 2014.  He batted .231/.300/.452.  His batting average dropped about twenty points from 2013 and his OBP dropped about five points.  Arcia also continues to rate as one of the worst defensive outfielders in baseball and the eye-test would confirm that data.  He struck out at a very high rate and some of his swings can be described kindly as "adorable" and "aggressive" or harshly as "wild" and "uncontrolled."  

But man, that .452 slugging percentage!  Arcia has power.  He hit 20 home runs in 410 plate appearances, a roughly 30-home run pace over a full season.  His power is more impressive within the context of his age.  Since 1995, only 75 players have slugged over .450 at age 23 or younger.  Last season, only five non-Arcia players 23 and under slugged like Arcia:  Mike Trout, Yasiel Puig, Nolan Arenado, Marcell Ozuna and...Danny Santana!  Santana isn't a power hitter, but the other four could be described that way.  So can Arcia.  He's got the potential for elite power and he's already flexing it as a very young man. 

2015 Role Projection

Right Field - Starter - Heart of the Order

2015 Season Prediction

I'm about as bullish on Arcia as one can be.  I see a blossoming star and a potential emotional leader in the dugout.  Arcia is about as exciting a Twins player as we've had in recent memory.  He's wild, exciting, sometimes careless and generally carefree.  I predicted 55 extra-base hits for Arcia in 2014 and I'll make that same prediction for 2015.  I might even push it to 60. 

Arcia will be entering his third season, he should be an unquestioned starter and he's just a lot of fun to watch.  That might be qualitative data, but I'm still going to use it.   His defense...will be fun when the Twins are winning.    

A 90s Song for Oswaldo

R.E.M. - "King of Comedy"

Long-Term Outlook

It's great.  It's relatively safe to say that Arcia will never hit .300 in the Majors.  He doesn't make contact like a .300 hitter.  He also is unlikely to be an elite OBP-guy, as he does like to swing.  However, he should continue to grow in those areas as he matures and his power will keep pitchers from giving him too much to hit.  I think Arcia is a major breakout candidate in 2015 and he could be a fixture in the Twins' lineup for a very long time. 

Is he a keeper?

Oh goodness, yes.  Arcia might be one of those guys who you curse in the 3rd inning when he misplays a ball in right, but then you cheer wildly for and cut your hair like when he hits a walk-off home run in the ninth.  He's going to be a rollercoaster of a player until he fully matures.  At his peak, I think Arcia could be a .280/.370/.500 hitter who absolutely fits the profile of a traditional #3 hitter.  Giving up on Arcia at 23 because he plays like a 23-year-old would be completely unwise. 

I love him.

It's Raining 40-Men: Joe Mauer

No player on the Twins is more famous than Joe Mauer.  No player is scrutinized and criticized like Mauer, but no player cashes bigger checks either.  In terms of dollars, not size.  I like to think that Oswaldo Arcia gets paid in giant novelty checks.  Was 2014 kind to Joe Mauer?

2014 Season Overview

No, 2014 was not kind to Joe Mauer.  What would be the opposite of smooth?  If only there were a book that could tell me such things.  Mauer made the transition from elite offensive catcher to Lyle Overbay in 2014.  Unfortunately, because of his contract, he needs to be referred to as Lyle Overpaidbay.  Mauer finished the season with a .277/.361/.371 batting line, 4 home runs, 55 RBI and countless people questioning his value, manhood and soul.  No, 2014 was not kind to Mr. Mauer. 

Mauer did start to show signs of the "old Mauer" near the end of the season.  When Mauer went on the disabled list with an oblique injury in early July, he was batting .270/.342/.350.  That's not as awful as you would be led to believe, but it certainly was not the level of production we had come to expect from such a talented player. 

Things got somewhat better in the second half.  Starting with his return from that oblique injury on August 11, he batted .289/.397/.408 to finish the season and he was even better in September at .305/.406/.390.  The lack of power is not cool, but if Mauer can hit some combo of .300/.400/.XXX in 2015, I'd take it. 

2015 Role Projection

First Base - Starter - Top of the Lineup

2015 Season Prediction

I anticipate that Mauer will perform more like he did in August and September rather than how he performed in the first half of the season.  I think he'll hit for slightly more power and he'll return to a .400 OBP-guy.  I also think his defense will be improved and he'll basically be Mauer-lite, exactly what we should expect from a guy in the decline phase of his career.  I also think it's safe to say that he'll never post a .324/.404/.476 batting line like he did in 2013. 

The real question is - will the new Twins manager have the insight and stones to bat Mauer in the leadoff spot?  Really, that's Mauer's best spot based on his talent, approach and production.  I predict that veteran-ness will trump logic and Mauer will remain in the middle of the order.

A 90s Song for Joe

Alice in Chains - "Love, Hate, Love"

Long-Term Outlook

Mauer will be 32 in 2015 and he's not going to change his approach.  Mauer isn't going to add power and he isn't going to stop poking the ball the other way for singles.  The hand-wringing is likely to continue for four more seasons.  If you want to yell about what Mauer doesn't do, you're going to be quite hoarse. 

Why not focus on what he can do?  OBP and walk rate tend to stay stable as players age and Mauer had an elite OBP prior to 2014.  If those skills are still present, and his second half indicates they are, he can still be a good offensive player through his current contract and possibly a little longer.

Is he a keeper?

I don't think it's really a question worth asking.  You can't get good value in a trade for Mauer and he's still good enough to be a productive player.  Even in a very down year, he posted a 107 OPS+.  That's terrible production for his contract, but it's still 7% better than the average player.  His OPS+ was above 130 in August and September.  That would be much more acceptable. 

Mauer is almost certainly going to be overpaid for the next four seasons, but that's a sunk cost.  Mauer is a keeper and unless you trust one season (and really, one half-season) over a ten-year career, it seems reasonable to think that he'll bounce back to a moderate extent. 

2014 Playoffs Mailbag!

Hey, how about that Wild Card game last night?  What a game or what a dud, depending on how it went.  I'm writing this on Tuesday afternoon because I'm a total sham.  I hope that it was a great game, but I'm unwilling to update this to reflect my true feelings.  In the spirit of laziness, here are some fake questions that will serve as my playoff preview.  Because of course, you cannot live without it.

Do you like the Wild Card games? 

~Fake Person, Fake Place (Getting lazy)

I do.  I like baseball and these are baseball games.  Sure, they don't fit the traditions of baseball, but neither do t-shirt guns and kiss cams, but we've integrated those just fine.  The Wild Card games are quite entertaining and I imagine they are very fun for the involved teams' fan bases.  The Twins played in consecutive Game 163s and I remember those games more than any playoff game they played in during the 2000s.  Winner-take-all games are officially fun, even if the all they take is hardly all at all. 

I am a Twins fan so I don't know what "playoffs" are.  Which team should I root for once I figure out what I am rooting for them to accomplish?

~FP, FP (so lazy...)

In my opinion, there are exactly five acceptable bandwagons to jump onto:  The Royals, Pirates, Nationals, Orioles and As.  You could talk me out of the Orioles and As because of their lineage, but their successes happened years ago.  In case you were wondering why those five:  the Dodgers, Angels and Tigers are too rich, and the Cardinals and Giants are too successful.  The Giants are rich too.  This isn't the 80s, we don't like rich and successful anymore.  Those five teams have slicked-back hair and suspenders.  The other five surf.

Now, if you're going to jump on a bandwagon, you want the ride to be substantial.  I'd cross the Royals and As off your list.  Sure, one of those teams is going to make the Divisional Round (note - it was the [winner from Tuesday], see I did update some of this!), but I don't see either team winning in that round.  Sadly, I think the Wall Street Giants are likely to beat Pittsburgh tonight, so they're out too. 

That leaves the DC/Maryland area.  The Nationals had the best record in the NL and they used to be the Expos.  They also have that punk Bryce Harper and they're rich.  If there's one thing we hate more than successful rich people, it's their punk kids.  The Orioles were surprisingly good this year but they have that cheating punk Nelson Cruz on their team.  That's no good.  Plus, they're kind of rich too.  Where is all this money coming from!

You know what, just root for the Pirates or the Royals.  You'll feel good about it and you can feel cool on the internet too. 

(Note - I believe nothing I wrote in those paragraphs.  Additionally, I know nothing of the following:  the 80s, slicked-back hair, surfing, punks, and baseball.) 

(Note 2 - I totally watched the game last night.  Root for the Royals).

It seems the National League is better than the American League.  Would you agree?

~Fakey P, Fakeville, USA

Yes, and I agree a lot.  I honestly cannot see an American League team winning the World Series.  I think the three best teams in baseball are all in the National League - Giants, Nationals and Dodgers.  I could see any of those three beating every AL team left.  Of course, I am very biased against the Tigers, so that could be clouding my judgment.  Mike Trout could also transform into a baseball monster and devour all comers, but that seems unlikely.  He'll probably just be really good at baseball but not a mythical creature. 

Put it this way, if there's a way to bet on a league to win the World Series, I would bet your house on the NL.  Of course, it's your house, not mine. 

Does excellent starting pitching really matter as much as we are lead to believe?  Can you provide some research to back up your answer for once?

~Angry Jerk, Jerk Store

Yes and no.  I could provide some research, but then how will I find time to watch this Seinfeld episode that I've seen 15 times and that I just referenced?  If you can figure that part out for me, I'll gladly do some research.

Anecdotally, I don't think starting pitching is quite as important as we're lead to believe.  By the time the playoffs roll around, most of the remaining teams have pretty good starting pitching.  The Dodgers had amazing starting pitching last year, but they didn't even reach the World Series.  The Tigers appear to have dominant starting pitching, but I'm not going to pick them to get out of the Divisional Round.  I think the starting pitching adage is an outdated one, but I will tell you this much for sure:  you will NEVER see any research to back it up on this blog.  I'm just too busy watching TV.

Do you think it's strange that the playoffs have expanded to five teams in each league and neither the Red Sox or Yankees are in the playoffs?  Will our TVs actually stay on without those teams involved?

~Cynical Sam, Somewhere where a lot of cynical people live

Well, I guess with a name like that, I shouldn't be surprised with your cynical attitude!  I do think it's borderline crazy that neither team made the playoffs, simply considering their great financial advantages.  That said, teams are getting smarter and if the Yankees and Red Sox don't make smart moves, they aren't going to make the playoffs.  Making Brian McCann shave his goatee?  Not smart.  Relying on Clay Buchholz?  Not smart. 

Yes, your TVs will stay on, stop it.  The ratings might dip just a tad, but I think MLB will be just fine.  New blood is refreshing, so just enjoy it and stop being so cynical.  Maybe change your name to Positive Outlook Sam.  Just a suggestion.

World Series, who you got?

~PA, Radio

Angels and Dodgers in the battle of who can talk about traffic more.  I don't really love the Angels, but they offer the best combination of defense, offense and pitching of all the AL playoff teams.  I'm going to contradict how I answered Angry Jerk's question and say that the Dodgers' pitching is too great to overcome.  While starting pitching may be a bit overrated in the playoffs, outstanding, almost-alien starting pitching is pretty helpful in short series. 

If you want to know which matchup I am rooting for:  Washington and Baltimore in a battle for the heart of our Nation's Capitol.  I doubt that the country would put the Capitol up for grabs in the World Series, but ratings are pretty important and it's a Congressional election year, so who knows. 

As long as the World Series is geography-friendly, I'm going to be okay with it.  Kansas City-St. Louis?  Yes.   San Francisco-Oakland?  Oh, of course!  Pittsburgh-Los Angeles?  That would be too wacky.  Where's the geography story?  I'll pass, thank you!

You know what, if we can just have Kershaw and Stephen Strasburg in Game 1 of the NLCS, the entire playoffs will be cool with me.  Of course, the Cardinals will probably muck it up with their brand of good playing.  Or the rotations will be all wacky because of the previous series.  Jack Morris, where are you?!?

Who wins?

~Vox, Radio

Concise, very good.  I'll oblige concisely:  The Dodgers.  They are good.  The other teams are good too.  The Dodgers are the most good.  Or, the best, if you must. 

There you have it.  I am picking the Dodgers but I want the Nationals.  I am fine with anything geography-friendly.  I think starting pitching is both overrated and the reason why the Dodgers will win the World Series.  I dislike rich punks.  I think Brian McCann looks weird without his goatee.  Are you questioning why you read this yet?

I'll be back on Friday with some Twins year-end POWER RANKINGS!  See you then; take care!